


Don't Ask Me Why

by slash4femme



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eventual Romance, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Second Chances, Single Parents, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 07:03:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14420082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slash4femme/pseuds/slash4femme
Summary: After years away Kakashi returns to the village where he grew up to find that things are not as they once were.For one, his childhood best friend and one-time rival, Maito Gai, has become the father of two children.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at a Naruto modern day AU even though it's set in the modern world in the same way that the actual series of Naruto is set in medieval Japan. It's pretty much not.

The first person to notice when Kakashi moves back to the village is Anko.

Or maybe it's just that Anko is the first to act on that information.

She shows up at Kakashi's door holding a six pack of beer in each hand wearing the evilest grin possible.

He lets her in any way.  

They sit in folding beach chairs out back behind the house, watch the sun go down and drink the beer.

Pakkun lays across Kakashi's feet and falls asleep there. Kakashi likes the warmth and weight. He likes that he can feel Pakkun breathe without having to reach down and check, although he still does, from time to time.

"So," Anko says when she's three beers in and Kakashi's still nursing his first. "You have a job yet?"

"I'm writing," Kakashi says and Anko arches her eyebrows at him he adds. "It's a three book contract, then, well, we'll see how those sell. Plus there's some contract work. "

"That writing too?"

He nods and she props her elbows on her knees. "Well not what I imagined you doing."

He looks down at the can of beer in his hand, drags his thumb through the condensation beading on the side.

"Me neither." He shrugs. "But it makes a change."

"I bet it does."

She doesn't push it further though, Hell, maybe after all these years she's learning a little restraint. Or maybe she's just learned there are some lines not worth crossing.

"What about you?" Kakashi asks. "Last time we saw each other you were working your way up the ranks of that big chemical corporation, making insecticides or something like that."

She gives him a look. They both know she hadn't been making insecticide any more than Kakashi had spent the last decade writing people tickets and finding lost cats for little old ladies.

"Yeah well, I quit." She shrugs one shoulder staring down into her fourth can of beer. "Decide it wasn't what I wanted to do you know? Moved back here. I work for the local government now, forest conservation and land use. The paperwork isn't a lot of fun but I get to be outside every day so that's a plus. There are a lot worse ways to spend your life."

Kakashi looks out across the trees, the hills the slope up in the distance. "Yeah."  

"I guess we're kind of in the same position." Anko throws back the rest of her beer in one swallow. "Well good luck on the writing and I hope you stick around this time."

She stands, stretches, gathers up the empties. "By the way, I'm going to tell people about this so expect a visit from Asuma and Kurenai at some point. Oh and Gai although I'm surprised he didn't beat me here already."

Kakashi opens his mouth, although to tell her what he's not sure. Not to tell Gai? In a village, this small Gai will find out sooner or later anyway. Kakashi doesn't want to hide from him per say. He's just not ready yet.

"Well tell them they're welcome here any time." He says instead and Anko gives him a knowing look.

"Uh Huh, well I figured I'd give you a heads up first." She waves one hand when he makes to get him. "Don't bother, I'll let myself out."

Across Kakashi's feet, Pakkun makes a little snuffling-grunting noise in his sleep and rolls over.

***

Kakashi's family home isn't in the actual village.

It's about ten minutes travel by bicycle and longer walking, just far enough to give it a feeling of seclusion. There are trees out behind the house and a pond his father had dug that Kakashi can remember swimming in.

There are farmer's fields across the road from the front of the house and cars pass by rarely.

It's nice, very different from the life Kakashi had known before, of tiny apartments and the constant city noise and crush of people.

He thinks he can get used to this like Anko said, he can be happy here. Or at least he hopes so.

For two days the writing comes in dribs and drabs, even when he sets aside time in the morning just for writing he ends up spending most of the time staring at a blank screen. The words won't come, the ideas dry up and die inside of him before they are even fully formed.

He takes a walk in the forest with Pakkun, walks to town and buys groceries, sits on the porch and reads.

The second night the dam breaks the words flowing out of him almost as fast as he can type them. He doesn't kid himself that they're amazing literature. By the time he lets his hands fall away from the keys though and flops onto his back, exhausted he has a gratifyingly large portion of the first draft down on paper -- or at least computer screen.  

He dozes, right there on the floor of his office and doesn't wake fully when the sun sends watery light through the office window to slant down by his face. He does wake though when the pounding starts at the front door.

"Kakashi!"

Kakashi groans and sits up, rubbing one hand across his face.

"Kakashi!"

He rolls to his hands and knees, groans again, this time from the pain in his lower back reminding him he's too old to be sleeping on the floor without the soft cushioning of a futon.

There's a dull pain behind his eyes and the vision in his bad left one has gone blurry and black around the edges to the point of being disorienting. He overdid it last night, spent too many hours straining his eyes in front of a screen in exactly the way his doctor keeps telling him he shouldn't.

Slowly he climbs to his feet.

Pakkun is on high alert body angled between Kakashi and the door, obviously waiting for him to let Pakkun know what to do and how to feel about the situation.

Kakashi bends to touch Pakkun's side. "It's okay." He says. "He's a friend."

At least Kakashi hopes that's true.

It belatedly occurs to him, once he's reached the front hall, that he's still wearing the ratty yukata that he'd thrown on when it had become apparent that he was going to be pulling an all nighter. His hair is standing up in a mad bristle in front and plastered down awkwardly in the back.

He's in no fit state to have company but it's too late now.

It's not like he doesn't know who's on the other side of the door anyway or like he hasn't seen Kakashi in worse states.

Maito Gai,

Two days behind Anko.

Kakashi pulls open the door just as Gai raises his fist to knock again.

"You're late." He leans against the door frame in a stance he hopes looks casual and not like he's about to fall over. "I was expecting you three days ago."

Gai opens his mouth, closes it again and then _grins_.

Even now, after all these years and with Kakashi's currently limited vision, being faced with Gai's smile is still one of the most overwhelming things Kakashi's ever experienced. He has to look down at the smooth wood of the entryway floor.

"Sorry to disappoint you Kakashi." Gai puts a very large, very warm hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "If I'd known you had been waiting I would have come sooner."

"Uh ..." Kakashi blinks and tries to focus on Gai's face and not on the feeling of Gai's hand. "You want to come inside?"

"Of course." Gai gives Kakashi's shoulder a friendly squeeze and Kakashi holds himself very still so he doesn't flinch.

Kakashi studies him as Gai takes off his shoes.

He looks exactly the same even after so long.

He's still tall, with the same wide expanse of shoulders, the same smooth black hair framing his face, and the same dark eyes. His smile is still so wide and open, his teeth _very_ white.

He's wearing a dark green tracksuit and running shoes that have orange stripes along the sides. Kakashi is almost certain he ran here from the village.

"So, uh ..." Kakashi says. "How have you been?" Then winces at how inadequate and ridiculous the question is.

Gai though doesn't seem to mind. "I have been exceptionally well Kakashi," He says. "Better once I heard you have moved back to the village. Not that you're work wasn't honorable and important but I have missed you." Gai says it so easily, with a fond smile thrown in Kakashi's direction as he straightening up.

While Kakashi feels each word lodge in his chest, so big and painful they must surely break him apart. He slumps against the wall, arms folded as if to create a protective barrier or maybe just keep his insides from spilling out.

Gai doesn't seem to notice but continues on. "The dojo has been doing well. It is my greatest joy to work with all of the young students who go there. Oh and the students who are young in heart of course, many of the older members of the village have found time in their lives for some rigorous youthful exercise." Gai puts one big hand over his heart, a little tear in his eye as he says it.

"Uh." Kakashi says, pulling himself together. "I need tea, do you want a cup of tea Gai?"

Gai blinks at him, then looks touched. "I would appreciate a cup of tea. Thank you Kakashi."

Kakashi makes another inarticulate noise he hopes conveys what not a problem it is and shuffles into the kitchen to turn on the electric kettle.

When he turns around Pakkun has emerged from further in the house to sniff at Gai's legs.

"Hello, little friend," Gai says and Pakkun gives him a bored look before going to investigate the state of his food bowl.   

Kakashi takes a plastic container of chicken and pumpkin out of the refrigerator and fills Pakkun's bowl before fixing two cups of tea for him and Gai.

Gai sits at the kitchen table while Kakashi leans against the counter. They both sip their tea.  

"So what are you doing now?" Gai asks. "Because if you need a job --"

"Thanks but I have work," Kakashi says before Gai can no doubt offer Kakashi a position at the dojo. "I'm writing, books actually, well books and some freelance stuff, but it's enough."

Gai perks up at this and Kakashi knows he's going to ask before Gai ever opens his mouth.

"That's amazing, Kakashi, if  you told me the title of your books I would love to read them."

"I'm not really sure they're the kind of books you'd enjoy," Kakashi says.

Gai had always enjoyed nonfiction, books that taught him how to do something new and probably useful sprinkled through with biographies of famous martial artists. His guilty pleasures consisting of adventure stories with brave heroes doing great deeds.

Kakashi's books are all about ordinary women, usually in their forties, getting second chances at love. No one ever fights anyone else, in his books, no one days and they always end happily.

"Even so I would like to support a friend and local author," Gai tells him earnestly.

Kakashi gives up and shrugs then rattles off his pen name the titles of his first two books.

Gai produces a pencil and notebook from inside his tracksuit and jots in the information down.

"You should come to dinner." He says after he tucks the notebook away again. "My father would love to see you again I'm sure and Lee and I would love to have you to our home."

"Lee?" Kakashi tries to remember if there was some sort of mutual acquaintance by that name, maybe from school, but he can't think of anyone.

"My son," Gai says and Kakashi's whole world stop for a split second.

He takes a deep, careful breath.

The cup between his hands steams gently, the ceramic of the cup has warmed enough to be noticeably hot against his palms and fingertips.

The faucet behind him dripped a little.

The pain behind his eyes aches and throbs.

He needs to take his medication and get some sleep. Or at the very least lay somewhere with his eyes closed for a couple hours.

He shouldn't be surprised really. It had been _ten years_ and he'd never intended to come back anyway.

This -- this right now, had never been part of the plan.

But he'd thought sometimes, let himself fantasize about maybe when his life was better when he was better, and he'd untangled everything that had ended up being such a mess he'd come back and ask Gai ... well ...

It didn't matter now.

Gai had moved on because of course, he had, after all this time. Although Gai had not, Kakashi had noticed, mentioned a partner along with a son.

"I'm sure Naruto will be happy to see you as well." Gai is saying. He gives Kakashi a smile, strangely reserved for Gai. "Or come by the dojo. Perhaps we can spar again sometime."

"Yeah," Kakashi says although he's starting to think his best course of action is to spend as little time as possible around Gai.

It might be easier for everyone that way.

Then the full impact of Gai had said catch up with him and he frowns.

"Wait, Naruto? Minato-sensei and Kushina's son?"

"Yes. He had been living with Lee and I for the last few years."

"I thought he'd gone to live with Kushina's family." Kakashi struggles to remember through the fear and grief clouding most of those memories. "A cousin? I thought ..."

"It didn't end up working out," Gai says in such a reserved tone that it instantly tells Kakashi that there is a lot more to this story that for whatever reason Gai is reluctant to share.

Probably because Gai doesn't believe in laying blame when doing so doesn't serve any immediate purpose. Kakashi isn't as generous but he can find out what he wants to know without Gai telling him.

The last time Kakashi can remember seeing Naruto he'd been a baby, cheeks streaked with tears and snot but he'd be eleven now, maybe twelve.

Kakashi is hit by a wave of guilt he should have come back, should have taken in Minato-sensei's son as Minato and Kushina had once done for him. He shouldn't have been gone so long.

Gai is studying him, one big hand still around his cup tea. "I'm glad you're back and I hope ..." He hesitates for a moment, another strange thing on Gai. "I hope we can continue to be friends."

Kakashi feels his insides twist, his chest completely hollowing out at that.

Gai is looking at him with wide dark eyes, hopeful and not hesitant as much as patience -- patiently waiting for Kakashi to make the first move, take the first step.

Like always.

Kakashi wants -- needs -- to say yes. Wants to close the distance between them. Just wants Gai.

Like always.

He clears his throat, takes a sip of tea. "I, um ... am not sure how much of a challenge I'd be as a sparring partner these days."

Slowly Gai's face breaks into a wide grin. "Still playing cool I see Kakashi."

"Gai," Kakashi half turns away to hide his own smile. "Only you think I'm cool."

"Here." Gai has taken a business card out the same pocket as his notebook (how much is he carrying in this tracksuit?) and slide it across the table. "I know you remember perfectly well where the dojo is. But this also has my phone number and email address on it."

The business card is green, with Gai's information in bold black, with a kind of iridescent sheen laid across the whole thing that catches the light in interesting ways. Kakashi thinks as he takes it, that it's very Gai.

"Thanks," He says and then makes a quick decision setting aside his cup and heading for the office.

He comes back into the kitchen a moment later with one of his own business cards, his author business card, with his pen name and website printed on it.

"In case you forget." He holds the card out to Gai who takes it.  

If Gai wants to know all the details of Kakashi writing life and career they'll be his to know now.

"Thank you," Gai says gravely and then stands. "I really am sorry to leave you so soon but I promised Lee we would go on a run together this morning." His expression brightens noticeably. "You are welcome to join us if you want."

Kakashi waves one hand. "Not this morning Gai, I had a long night last night and need to get some sleep."

Gai just nods and accepts it although Kakashi doesn't think he'll be able to get out of exercising with Gai forever.

He sees Gai to the door and waves as Gai takes off back down the road at a fast jog.

Then he goes back inside and collapses in his office.

Pakkun comes in and puts his nose worriedly against Kakashi's face until Kakashi uncurls enough to stroke his sides and head, rub behind his ears.

It's quiet and soothing the room filled with the sound of both their breathing.

For a long time he doesn't think of anything at all but eventually, he thinks about Gai.

Gai smiling at him. Gai saying _I hope we can continue to be friends._

He rolls onto his back and stares up at the low ceiling.

He remembers Gai saying _my rival_ , the way Gai's hand had felt carding gently through his hair, touching his face.

The weight of Gai's hand in his.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of the children are based on how they were first introduced in the manga.

Kakashi is forced to leave the house the next day when he runs out of milk.

He gets dressed and takes Pakkun and a book with him on the walk to town.

It had been a beautiful day, clear and sunny without being too hot, which had turned into a nice evening if a little cooler.

There's no one on the road, but him, the only people are small figures on tractors or in farm vans moving across the fields.

Kakashi ambles along, enjoying the cool breeze through his hair, the chance to be outside truth be told. He's elected to wear a surgical mask today, to cut back on his pollen intake so his sinuses won't congeal and also so he doesn't have to guard his facial expressions quite so closely. Besides people tend to stay away from people wearing surgical masks.  

Pakkun trots by his side, sniffing the breeze but not straying more than a foot or so away from Kakashi.

Eventually, Kakashi stops a figure coming towards them, running fast but in a calm rhythmic way that speaks of good exercise and not panicked fleeing.

Kakashi squinted as the blur haloed by sunlight until it coalesces into an actual figure, then he stops dead.

For a moment all he can think is that he's hallucinating and indeed the world does tip crazily for a second as Kakashi is hit by a wave of vertigo-esque panic induced nausea. He reaches down blindly, hand coming to rest on Pakkun's small body, warm, breathing and alive. Pakkun stops and presses himself against Kakashi's body butts his head against Kakashi's legs until Kakashi starts breathing again.

The young man who's come to a stop in front of them looks exactly like Gai, or at least what Gai had looked like when he'd been about twelve. The boy is even wearing the same tracksuit Gai had worn the day before, except with an orange stripe up the legs.  

It's little details like that, which clue Kakashi into the fact that this isn't a hallucination.

While the young man in front of him looks enough like Gai for the similarities to be deeply shocking and a little unsettling, they are not exact copies.

Up close Kakashi can see that the shape of his face is different from Gai's, his eyes wide and round, where Gai's are longer and more angular. His build is closer to Kakashi's own than Gai's wider chest and shoulders.

The young man is also staring at him with obvious surprise. His eyes go even wider until he resembles an adorable, woodland creature whose frolics Kakashi has just interrupted.  

"Excuse me." The young man says with a small bow. "You must be Hatake Kakashi. It is such honor to meet you, sir. My father has told me so much about you."

"Uh," Kakashi says because that seems to be the only thing he ever says these days. "Oh. So you must be Lee. Nice to meet you."

Lee's face lights up like Kakashi has done something wonderful. "You know who I am, Hatake-san?"

"You're father mentioned you when he came to see me yesterday and it's just Kakashi, please."

Lee gives him rather shocked look at Kakashi's lack of formality. "Are you heading to town?" He asks. "I could accompany you?"  

"You don't have to." Kakashi tucks away his book and sticks his hands in his pockets. "I'm sure I'll get there on my own."

"I am sure that is true," Lee says in a grave and earnest way that does a lot to set him apart from Gai at his age. Gai would have laughed, Lee looks up at Kakashi with an expression that makes him look like a serious turtle. "But I have one-on-one sparring soon anyway. So I should be getting back to the village. I could keep you company on the way there, that is if it would not be too much of an imposition."

"Of course not," Kakashi says because although he's not in dire need of company he also doesn't want Gai's son to think Kakashi doesn't like him.

Truthfully Kakashi hasn't known him long enough to figure that out yet.  

They all start off down the road. Kakashi walking at his usual pace, Pakkun at his side, still throwing Lee suspicious glances. While Lee practically jogs in place in an attempt to match Kakashi's, much slower, speed.

Kakashi watches Lee as they walk, not openly of course, but out of the corner of his eye while he focuses his gaze in a lazy sweep across the surrounding fields. It hasn't escaped his notice that Lee looks too old to have been conceived at some point in the last ten years. Which means that as much as he looks like Gai he can't actually be Gai's biological child.

Kakashi knows Gai and he knows exactly who Gai had sex with before Kakashi left the village. After ... well, who knows, but not before.     

"May I ask a question?" Lee has been watching him too Kakashi realizes.

"Sure," Kakashi says because Lee is certainly free to ask, whether Kakashi'll answer or not is a different story.

"You grew up in the village right?" Lee says head tilted quizzically to the side. "And Gai-sensei and you went to school together?"

"Yeah."

"And you were friends?"

"Yes." Kakashi wonders if Lee is working up to something or if he's just trying to place Kakashi within the context of Gai's life.

The fact that said context is not immediately obvious to the kid Gai has raised hurts but it's also Kakashi's own damn fault.  

He slouches forward a little bit, hands digging deeper into the pockets of his jeans.

"You and him were rivals, right?"

Kakashi makes a noise, he's not really sure what kind other than the fact that if feels like it's dug out of the center of his chest.

Lee is watching him.

Kakashi swallows looks away at the ground. There's a tiny stone next to the toe of his shoe. He gives it a kick. "We ... Gai used to challenge me, to sparring matches usually, but sometimes to just train together, or run races or have eating contests." Gai had thought pitting himself against Kakashi, always top of his class whether at school or in the dojo, would make him stronger. Which was ridiculous because Gai was perfect already.

Beside him, Lee is nodding. "Yes, Gai-sensei has spoken many times of the challenges between the two of you, the inspiration that can come from such an important person in your life."

Kakashi wonders what Lee thinks of him now, how he's fitting the reality of what Kakashi is together with whatever stories Gai has been telling for the last ten years.

He sighs.

"Can I ask you a question?" He says.

"Of course." Lee looks up at him interested.

"How old are you?"

Lee puffs out his small chest a little bit "I am thirteen years old."

"Ah," Kakashi says. "Well good for you."

Lee gives him a rather odd look at that but doesn't comment.

They reach the town with its small houses, orderly streets, and shops.

"I should go and leave you to your shopping," Lee says. "Gai-sensei is waiting for me at the dojo."

"Alright, see you around." Kakashi waves to him as Lee jogs off.

He goes to the shop and buys milk, a cabbage, some tofu, a daikon radish.

The tiny white-haired woman behind the counter presses his hand between both of her own.

"You're Sakumo's boy aren't you?" She asks her voice thin and cracking with age.

"Yes, grandmother." Kakashi feels a stable of guilt that he can't remember her name.

She pats his hand. "It's good to have you back in the village. The city is no place for young people."

Kakashi privately agrees with her as he just smiles and thanks her and leaves to walk home.

He's halfway down a side street on his way out of town when he hears a familiar yell.

He looks up to see the door to a very plain, square, flat-roofed building propped open and Gai leaning out.

Plain except that Kakashi can't forget, that green tile, cracking in places around the door and long window, on which was painted advertisements for karate and kung fu. Not exactly as it had been back when he'd been four, but close enough.

Gai is wearing the green tracksuit again, or a different one exactly like it and a wide grin.

"Kakashi!" He calls and then runs the few paces to where Kakashi is standing. "Lee said you were in town. Come in, Father wants to welcome you back to the village."

"All right," Kakashi says even though Gai as already taken his arms is leading him into the dojo.

The scent of it accosts him immediately, exactly as he remembered; rubber mats, cleaner, the incense Gai burns, sweat, wood, and dust. Mirrors still line the back wall like he remembers.

There are only a few people inside the dojo. A young woman, her dark hair pinned up in two buns at the top of her head going through some style of footwork. A young man sitting against one wall watching Lee and a pink-haired young woman spar.

There is also Naruto, or at least that's who Kakashi thinks he is, standing next to the seated boy with the ends of the strings attached to the hood of his bright orange hoodie jammed into his mouth as he watches the other students. It's a surprisingly immature gesture for a twelve-year-old child. Or maybe not, Kakashi doesn't know many twelve-year-olds.

"Kakashi!"

A voice booms out filling up the training hall and Kakashi is grabbed up into a powerful hug.

He manages not to flinch at the suddenness of it or the way the embrace knocks all the breath out of him.

"Sensei." He manages to gasp out when Dai release him enough to hold him at arm's length and inspect him.

Dai laughs, shaking him a little bit. "Kakashi! Welcome home! You look well, if a little pale, but good cooking, vigorous exercise and the clean air of the country will help with that."

"Thank you sensei, I'm sure it will." Kakashi studies Dai too.

His hair and mustache have gone completely grey now, and there are deep lines around his eyes and mouth but he's still the same; large, warm, caring.

Kakashi feels himself go a little misty-eyed.

The children have stopped sparring and are watching them in a small whispering group.

Gai waves a hand at them.

"Kakashi." He says. "You've already met Lee but here is Naruto and some of my very best students, Tenten, Hyuuga Neji, and Haruno Sakura. Students this is my most precious friend and rival Hatake Kakashi."

"Yo." Kakashi waves to them and they bow to him with a murmur of 'sensei' that makes him flinch a little bit.

Gai claps a hand on his shoulder before he can correct them though.

"Spar with me," Gai says. If he'd asked in any other tone Kakashi would have said no, but Gai's voice drops low on the words. Straight out of the happy boom he uses to speak to the children and into something just for the two of them.

Kakashi swallows.  

"I have to get back." He says but he's already putting down the grocery bags he'd been carrying, following after Gai to the center of the room.

The kids make room for them, sitting next to each other, watching them curiously.

Kakashi tries to ignore them, especially how loudly Naruto is whispering to the pink haired Haruno girl beside him and Dai who's seated himself on a low plastic stool, arms folded over his chest, watching.

Instead, he concentrates on Gai.

As much as he'd told Gai he wouldn't be a challenge, he has still trained these last ten years and certainly kept in shape.

Besides, it doesn't take him long to remember how Gai moves, how they can move together like this. They are just as well matched as they have ever been but Gai is better and it doesn't take them long for Kakashi to end up on the mats breath knocked out of him.

Gai backs off immediately, drops his stance and then comes over to help Kakashi up.

"Sorry I couldn't last longer and give you a real fight." Kakashi brushes himself off.

Gai gives him a strange look. "It was a magnificent fight. A test of physical and mental prowess between two equals."

"Let's not oversell it, there are kids present" Kakashi waving at the group still watching them. "Got to be a good example."

Gai just laughs, bright and booming and slaps a big hand on Kakashi's shoulder.

"I should get back." Kakashi glances at his grocery bags, Pakkun waiting patiently, and at the growing dark outside.

Dai stands too stretching his shoulders out. "I should be going as well." He says "I promised Shikaku I would join him for dinner and shogi."

The children chorus their goodbyes and Dai waves to them then pushes open the door to the dojo and wanders out onto the street.

"Stay, have dinner with Lee, Naruto and I. Your food will keep just as fresh in our refrigerator," Gai says in that low intimate voice again, that's going to be the death of Kakashi one of these days.

And really Kakashi can't think of a good reason to say no, beyond his own hang-ups. So he nods and goes to retrieve his stuff while Gai goes to talk to the kids and get the dojo ready to close up.

A small argument ensues between Lee and Hyuuga boy. The Hyuuga kid arguing it's his turn to stay behind and the clean the dojo and Lee insisting he should be the one to do it. Based, evidently, on the general principle that a good student should clean the dojo for his master.

Kakashi crouches down to scratch Pakkun behind the ears as they hash it out.

Gai settles the argument by suggesting they both do it, which Lee instantly agrees to and Hyuuga does albeit more reluctantly.

"What about you Naruto?" Gai looks over at him. "Do you want to come back with Kakashi and I or stay here and help out Lee and Neji?"

Naruto bites his lip and stretches the back of his head, clearly torn. "Will I get to eat early if I come back with you?" He asks.

Gai tsks and wages one finger, striking a patent lecture pose. "We will all eat together as a family. But if you stay here you can assist Neji and Lee in their duties as good and honorable students of the dojo. If you come back with us you can help with some useful vegetable chopping."

Naruto looks less than thrill by either of these options.

"I'll stay here." He says after a moment's consideration. "Help Lee and Neji clean up and stuff." Gai nods and turns to the girls who say their goodbyes and give Kakashi polite bows their way out.  

Kakashi can hear them chattering with each other, gym bags slung over their shoulders as they head for home.

"Kakashi and I will start dinner," Gai says to Lee reaching forward to ruffling his hair. "You and Naruto should come straight home when you're done and you are always welcome to join us too Neji."

The kid -- Neji -- tips his head forward so his dark hair mostly obscures his face and says something too low for Kakashi to catch. Whatever it is it makes Gai's dark eyebrows pinch together a little bit and he puts one large hand gently on Neji's shoulder before turning away.

The small gesture reminds Kakashi so strong of how Dai had treated him that it makes his chest clench. He can see Dai, hair as yet untouched by grey, standing here in the dojo haloed in the afternoon sun, Kakashi's small hand held firmly in Kushina's.

"I know it's not your job but we just need someone to watch him for a little bit, somewhere for him to go so he won't be alone while Minato and I are at work." Kushina had said.

Dai had looked grave but the big hand he'd put on Kakashi's back had been gentle. "Of course he can stay here." He'd said. "Kakashi is always welcome."

There's a gust of cool air as Gai opens the door of the dojo and Kakashi picks up his bag and follows Gai out.

Behind them, Kakashi can hear Naruto's small voice raised to a near shout. "Hey, Lee! Can I use the big sponge to wash the floor with? The other one's real small and it also starting to smell kind of weird."

Whatever Lee's answer is get's cut off as the door swings shut behind them.

Then it's just him and Gai in the cool night air.

When Gai had been young him and Dai had lived in a tiny apartment above the dojo. Money had been tight back then. Gai must be doing better because he leads the way down the street turning onto another residential one and stopping in front of the front gate to a perfectly ordinary little house.  

Inside it's definitely Gai's house though, with weight equipment everywhere if neatly organized. There is bookcase of Gai's books, old furniture Kakashi knows for a fact used to be in Dai and Gai's old apartment. There are also lots and lots of photographs. Photographs of Gai and Dai from when Gai had been a child, a photograph of Gai, Genma, Asuma, and Kurenai back when they'd all been teenagers. Another that seemed to have been taken at Asuma and Kurenai's wedding, making another stab of guilt go through Kakashi's chest. He'd meant to go, he really had, it just hadn't happened.

There's a photograph of Lee as a small child, big-eyed and serious, small mouth turned down into a little frown like a baby turtle. Another of Naruto grubby but grinning holding hands with a pretty faced young man. One of Gai smiling broadly with one small boy tucked under each arm.

And one of a figure, sitting under a tree, book open in his lap, dappled in sunlight, his face turned away from the camera and half obscured by shadow.

Kakashi turns away from the photographs and follows Gai into the kitchen.

"What should I do to help?" Kakashi asks after storing his milk in Gai's refrigerator.

"You don't have to do anything Kakashi, sit, relax."

"It's no trouble." Kakashi sticks his hands in his pockets and leans against the counter, next to where Gai is getting the cutting board and knives out. "Besides you did tell the kids I was going to help with dinner. What kind of a role model would you be if you lied about that."

Gai gives him a reproachful look but Kakashi just smiles one of his more charming smiles the impact of which being slightly lessened by his mask.

Or maybe not since Gai blushes, ever so slightly and looks away.

"Well, in that case, it would be most helpful if you could cut the onion." He pushes a cutting board, knife and large onion in front of Kakashi.

"I guess that serves me right." Kakashi picks up the knife, while Gai starts slicing a cut of beef into thin strips.

"So are you going to tell me about Naruto?" Kakashi says. "When did he come to live with you?"

"About four years ago." Gai takes out a skillet, puts it on the stove. "When he was about eight it got to the point where something needed to be done."

"Are you actually going to tell me what happened or are you going to make me twist it out of Anko?" Kakashi tries to keep his voice light but he can hear the danger creeping in.

"The cousin he was placed with did not take the proper care necessary to raise a child," Gai says, eyebrows pinched together. "There was no physical abuse that we know of but a great deal of neglect."

Kakashi inhales, very deep and very slow, hand clenching around the handle of the knife.

"The proper steps were taken," Gai assures him. "Naruto was removed from that person and placed with me."

"You should have called me," Kakashi says before he can think it all the way through.

Gai gives him a strange look. "What would you have done?"

That hurts, like a sliver of glass being forced underneath his skin.

_I would have come back._

He wants to believe that's true, but he doesn't actually believe it enough to say it out loud.

"Besides," Gai says. "It was thought best to put him in a household of someone he already trusted with another child his own age."

Another shard slipped in.

Kakashi knows Gai isn't doing it to be cruel, that Gai would never do that. He's just stating facts. Kakashi wasn't here, Gai was. Kakashi hadn't been here in the village for six years at that point, no visits, no calls, no word.

_Why would anyone assume you'd be there when Minato-sensei and Kushina's son needed you?_

The boys clatter in the front door, sounding like a small army of children, instead of just two.

Naruto's voice carries around the house.

"And I hope it's noodles for dinner." Naruto is saying, "Or maybe okonomiyaki."

They clatter into the kitchen, Naruto barging in while Lee follows a little behind at a more reasonable pace and gives Kakashi a polite nod when he sees him.

"Hey!" Naruto goes right up to Gai. "What are we having for dinner huh?"

"We are having beef bowl." Gai says with a smile, reaching down to ruffling his hair.

"Yeah!" Naruto yells, latching onto Gai's leg. "I love that!"

"Is there anything I can do to help sensei?" Lee says.

"You, young warriors, should go wash your hands." Gay says, "And then you can both set the table. Then you can tell Kakashi and I how cleaning the dojo went."

"Yes sensei!" Lee grabs Naruto by the arm and bodily hauls him towards the bathroom.

Kakashi can hear Naruto's laugh from down the hall.

"Ease up bushy brows, I know the way."

"Naruto and Lee are not even two years apart in age," Gai tells Kakashi keeping his voice low so they can talk between the two of them. "But I do think Lee has enjoyed being the older brother to Naruto and grown into the role well." There's obvious pride in Gai's voice.

"He does seem like a really responsible kid." Kakashi says, "and very polite."

Gai beams at him, almost glowing with paternal pride. Kakashi can't help but smile back.

The boys return and set the table.

Kakashi watches Lee keep Naruto on task as his attention wanders.

He goes and collections Pakkun out from where he'd been sleeping under the table. Pakkun huffs at him but then wanders into the living room to finish his nap while they eat.

Gai serves them each steaming hot bowls of sweet and salty beef, onions and soft, golden egg over rice, with green onion sesame seeds and pickles to go on top.

Kakashi listens to Lee list off the tasks they'd completely while cleaning the dojo, wide eyes focused on Gai searching for his approval. Naruto cut in with his own feelings about the sponges, mouth half full of meat and rice. Gai promises him, tone serious, to buy new sponges for the dojo as soon as possible.

They talk a little bit about school. Neither Lee or Naruto are doing particularly well in math but Lee seems to take this as a personal failing, solemnly swearing to get his grades up and do better while Naruto seems mostly unconcerned.

"Tonight after dinner we will sit down with your math homework and go over it," Gai promises although is Kakashi remembers correctly Gai was never terribly good at math himself.

This is not a side of Gai Kakashi has ever seen. Gai has always been warm, with everyone, but never has he imaged him raising two children, with homework and chores.

Yet here they are, with Naruto trying to convince Gai that math homework really isn't that important anyway.

The boys clear the table and wash the dishes after they're done eating. Or Lee washes and Naruto dries.

"I should go," Kakashi says to Gai while boys clatter around the kitchen. "Thank you for dinner."

Gai looks like he wants to argue, maybe ask Kakashi to stay but he only nods. "Thank you for coming."  

Kakashi collections his groceries and Pakkun and, like a good host, Gai sees him to the door.

"Thank you." He says again, gripping Kakashi's shoulder, his hand big, warm and firm even through the cloth of Kakashi's shirt. "I hope you will come to dinner with the boys and me again."

"Yeah," Kakashi says. "I'd like to."

He wants to reach out and touch Gai too but he can still hear Lee and Naruto in the background splashing in the sink and yelling.

So instead he gives Gai the warmest, genuine smile he can and lets himself out into the night.

It's a long walk home, through the dark but Kakashi doesn't mind, it gives him time to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhuraisthequeen did some amazing fanart for the first two chapters of this if. You can check out out on Tumblr: https://sublimegreenbeast.tumblr.com/post/173334898490/some-pieces-ive-done-ispired-by-that-amazing


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Jiraiya is canon-typical awful and the heat rating goes up very slightly.

Kakashi spends the night writing but still wakes up fairly early the next morning to Gai doing stretches at his front gate.

"Hey Gai." Kakashi comes to stand on his front stoop in his writing yukata with a cup of tea in his hand.

"Kakashi!" Gai smiles at him all teeth and enthusiasm. "Come join me on my morning run."

Kakashi looks at Gai, bouncing in place in his green tracksuit, looks at his gently steaming cup of tea and shrugs.

"Sure, just let me put on some clothes."

He gets dressed in a pair of old sweatpants and a hoodie then pulls on a pair of running shoes. They're pink. He's not sure why or how he came to have a pair of pink running shoes in his size, but they don't have any holes or worn places so he puts them on.  

Gai is still by the gate, stretching when Kakashi comes back out.

He grins at Kakashi and nods towards the road. "Come on."

They start off together, at a jog at first, so they can both warm into it and slowly getting faster as they go.

This is good. Kakashi might not have trained as hard as he used to in martial arts but he's kept his stamina up over the years. He can match Gai pace for pace, which seems to thrill Gai no end. Every time Kakashi starts getting comfortable with the pace, Gai will speed up, until they are running if not straight out then at least fast enough.

Kakashi grins and matches him for a while before slowing his own pace just a little, just enough for a good comfortable run and forcing Gai to do the same.  

They come to the village and Gai leads him on a long lap of it, ending up at the front door of the dojo.

"I'd go another lap," Gai says, slowing down until he's jogging in place as a cool down. "But I have a class to teach."

Indeed Kakashi can see a small herd of children, none of them over the age of three, and their parents milling around inside the dojo.

He nods. "You wouldn't happen to have a punching bag I could use?"

"Of course. I'll be using the main room for class but through the back, there is one. You're welcome to stay and train for as long as you want."

"Thanks."

Gai pulls the door open and immediately goes to greet his tiny students while Kakashi ducks around the group and out of the main training area of the dojo.

There's a locker room back there, Gai's office and a storage room where the gear is kept, but there's also a smaller practice room, with a punching bags hanging from the ceiling and several martial arts practice stands, a modest amount of weight equipment stacked up in one corner.

Kakashi finds a basket of hand wraps tucked into an alcove in the wall. The old-fashioned kind Gai has always preferred but there are a few pairs of the MMA style fingerless glove with heavy padding across the knuckles as well. Kakashi pulls out a pair that looks like they'll fit him, slips them on and adjusts the wrist straps to fit.

He walks up to one of the bags and gives it a few experimental hits before settling into a good rhythm; hands and feet, arms and back. There is a satisfaction in this. When he works with a bag he can hit as hard as he wants without worrying about causing damage and every strike is satisfyingly solid and real, felt through his entire body. The comfortable stretch in his thighs from the run becomes a gentle ache and he can feel the muscles in his arms working the longer he goes on.

He pauses for a moment to strip off his sweatshirt down to the t-shirt underneath and then goes back to work on the bag.

He's sweating for real and can feel the ache and burn in his arms as well by the time Gai pushes open the door. Kakashi doesn't stop what he's doing or look around but he can hear and feel Gai move coming to lean against the wall opposite him, watching Kakashi.

"You're left arm is a little weak," Gai says.

"Fell badly on the shoulder several years ago," Kakashi says. "And I haven't been able to figure out how to stop favoring it since. Intellectually I know it's fine but physically I always pull the punch on that side just a little bit."

"Hmm," Gai says thoughtfully.

Kakashi comes to a stop, bracing the bag until it stills, then turns towards Gai, wiping the sweat out of his eyes with his forearm.

"Well if you have any tips for me Sensei don't be shy."

Gai blushes hard enough for the tips of his ears to turn pink. It's adorable. Kakashi just grins at him.

"Do you have another class?" He asks.

"Not for a few hours.My father teaches the next one."

"Than spar with me." Kakashi stakes a step closer to Gai, into his personal space, not enough to crowd but enough for Gai to feel it.  

"I'd have an advantage, you've been working on that bag for a while."

Kakashi shrugs. "I'm warmed up, besides I'm sure those babies worked you over pretty well. Especially that one with the pigtails, she seemed like a tough customer."

That makes Gai smile, amused and a little fond. "Aya-chan is indeed a very talented warrior, despite only being two years old."

"See," Kakashi stretches his shoulders out a little. "No advantage, I haven't been sparring with Aya-chan for the last hour."

Gai looks at him for another moment and then nods, and walks over to the basket of hand wraps. Kakashi watches Gai tape and wrap his hands with efficient practiced motions.

There's a difference today in the way they both move, a quality in the air between them.

For one thing, they're alone this time without an audience. And now Kakashi doesn't have to pull from decades-old memories to recall what it feels like to pit his body against Gai's. Even with as tired as he already is he can feel the thrill from that. The way the memory of the night before lights up every part of him.

He clenches his gloved hands then slowly unclenched them savoring the hot coil of anticipation.    

Gai studies him and then comes to stand across from him at the center of the room.

For a moment Gai is very still. Kakashi shifts his weight a little lower, bends his legs a little, waiting.

They'll have to trade blows eventually but rushing Gai is a great way to lose a fight in one move. Besides Kakashi's always been better at defense.

When they move it's almost simultaneously, both going for a hard wrestlers lock up, that brings them close together, chest against chest, breathing the same air.

Gai goes for an easy throw but Kakashi jabs him hard in the ribs breaking away and bringing his hands up for a fast series of strikes that meet only air. Gai's own kick comes fast and hard but Kakashi manages to dodge out of the way twist around to try and cut Gai's legs out from under him. Gai is already moving though, kicking at him then smoothly transitions into a grapple takedown as Kakashi's dodges. Gai gets him around the waist but Kakashi breaks it with a hard elbow before Gai can get him onto the ground and in a headlock.

They circle each other Gai falling into a much more traditional martial arts stance. Kakashi wonders if it's a setup for something or a faint. Gai's a smart enough fighter it could be either.

Not knowing makes the anticipation already singing through his veins ratchet up another notch.

Kakashi faints hard to the left and then swings around as fast as he can using his smaller, lighter build, even if it's not by that much, to his advantage. He does catch Gai with a grazing blow before Gai manages to twist around hard and kick Kakashi with enough force for him to feel it straight through his body.

It very briefly stuns him and in that moment Gai grabs him and has him pinned to the mat one strong arm around his neck.

From this angle, there's not a whole lot of options for Kakashi to break the hold. He does manage a punch to Gai's side although it's a lot less hard than he would have liked. Above him Gai grunts but doesn't move or let up his hold. Kakashi goes with the only option left to him and tries to roll Gai off him, reversing their positions with a flip. It's a pretty predictable move and Gai's planted too firmly for Kakashi to move him.

Gai bends down so he can talk directly into Kakashi's ear, voice deep and amused. "Are you going to tap out or are you going to make me incapacitate you?"

Kakashi makes a low noise from where he's pressed against the mat under Gai's weight. He's covered in sweat, arms shaking from where the fatigue is finally starting to set in, breathing ragged with Gai's arms across his windpipe and he is so very, desperately hard.      

For a second he considers not tapping out, just to make it last but then he brings his hand down hard three times onto the mat. Gai's arm is immediately gone from across his throat and Gai moves off him.

Kakashi takes a minute before rolls over and climbs to his feet.

Gai is unwrapping his hands, half turned away from Kakashi, is expression seems unusually reserve.

Kakashi clears his throat, pulling off his own gloves. "Good fight."

Gai looks back at him, studying Kakashi face for a moment before he nods. "It was."

Gai hesitated, Kakashi wishes he would stop doing that, and then says. "Would you have dinner with the boys and I again?"

"I do have a job you know." Kakashi says, "I know writing books might not sound like much but they don't write themselves, not to mention a dog who's probably getting up to who know's what right now."

Gai looks so crestfallen that Kakashi drops the teasing.

"But tonight I do think I'll be able to make the time to have dinner with you and the boys."

Gai's face lights up. "Excellent Kakashi! I look forward to it."

"Yeah." Kakashi watches him, the play of emotions across his face, the beads of sweat along his throat. He remembers the bunch and pull of Gai's muscles, the press of Gai's body against his own.

Gai is probably being kind, inviting him to dinner two nights in a row, trying to repair their fractured friendship after years of neglect. And for all Kakashi knows Gai already has a lover.

He looks away, concentrates on the ache of his sore muscles, the pull across his shoulders.

He stretches his arms up over his head and then back, rolling his shoulders.

When he looks back up Gai is watching him but Kakashi can't quite decipher this expression. He holds the gloves out and Gai takes them puts them away again.  

When they step back out into the main training room of the dojo Dai is still leading a group of retirees through some light forms.

"Ah, Kakashi, Gai." He waves to them and Kakashi waves back.

"Gai." Dai beckons him. "Come help me demonstrate."

Gai throws Kakashi a look but he also immediately moves to join his father at the head of the class.

Kakashi watches them move through basic karate forms before letting himself out of the dojo and onto the street as unobtrusively as possible.

***

He actually does get writing done. After he rescues Pakkun from the boredom of the fenced in part of the backyard. Kakashi takes him for a proper walk and feeds him before getting down to the business of writing.

His manuscript is shaping up nicely and he's on schedule as far as he can tell.

It will be the story of a divorcee who moves back to the town where she grew up and falls in love with her childhood sweetheart; a grocery who stayed behind to run the family business.

They are going to be happy together in the end. His heroine and the man who patiently loved her for years. They are going to build a quiet unremarkable life together, full of breakfast dishes and the changing prices of radishes and the stray cat they adopt together.

It's going to be a good book.

"Are you sure you don't want to make your hero a corporate CEO," Jiraiya says when he calls Kakashi that afternoon. "Som billionaire twenty-something, maybe with a dark past. The heroine could be his young, virginal secretary falling under the spell of his dark charms." He considers for a moment "Or maybe a rival CEO. You can get away with a sassy powerful heroine as long as she's submissive in the bedroom. You know, a real tiger in the boardroom but then she's all like "oooh I've never done this with a man before, oooh!" " Jiraiya pitches his voice into a falsetto and Kakashi pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs deeply.

He can feel a migraine coming on, pricking at the back of his eyes and hopes he won't have to cancel is dinner with Gai and the kids because of it.

"Throw in some light bondage, maybe some spanking and it could be a bestseller," Jiraiya says.

"Haven't you just described your next book?" Kakashi says

Pakkun crawls into Kakashi lap, rolling over so Kakashi can stroke a hand across his soft, warm belly. It steadies and grounds him.

"Well yeah," Jiraiya admits cheerfully. "But that's because it's going to sell like crazy. Trust me corporate romance is big right now. Just as long as the characters are high enough up the corporate ladder to be rich and have plenty of time for mildly kinky sex in fancy hotels."

There's a silence where Kakashi is probably supposed to say something like maybe agree but doesn't.

"I'm just not sure how marketable your ..." Jiraiya pauses while searching for the just the right term. "Sad, middle-aged housewife stuff is long term. Don't get me wrong you've been doing well so far but with your talent, you could really skyrocket your career if you wrote about younger, hotter, richer people."

"That's okay," Kakashi says. "I think I'm good writing what I write, but thanks."

Jiraiya just sighs sadly. Kakashi can tell he's shaking his head, and possibly rolling his eyes, on the other side of the phone.

When the call ends Kakashi takes some of his migraine medication. He really should get a little bit more writing done but his vision has started to blur with the begins of pain behind his bad eye. It keeps tearing up too. So he stops and goes to lay down for a couple hours before he has to leave for Gai's house.  

It's starting to get dark when he starts back towards town.The sun is setting over the fields and the air is full of the scratch and song of cicadas.

His mask is back on and his hands shoved in his pockets as he walks. His vision is still a little blurrier than he would like so he walks slowly while Pakkun trots by his side, stopping every once in awhile to sniff at something, which slows them down even more, but Kakashi doesn't mind.

It's a nice evening and Gai will forgive him if he's a little late.

The village itself was alive and brightly lit. Houses with warm and cheerfully bright windows. People coming from shops or going out to some of the villages few restaurants or bars.

Kakashi pushes open the gate to Gai's house, walks to the stoop and raises his hand to ring the bell.

Before he can the door is flung open by Lee, who beams up at him.

"Sensei! Come in, dinner's almost ready!"

"Just Kakashi. I am not anyone's sensei." Kakashi lets Lee usher him into the front hall of the house.

He can hear Naruto talking loudly from the kitchen and Gai's booming chuckle accompanied by the clink of dishes being moved around.

This close Kakashi can make out the way Lee's brows furrow as he gazes up at Kakashi. "But Gai-sensei told us at the dojo that we should treat you like we would treat him or Master Dai. He said that you were the best student the dojo had ever had and you would have many important and youthful things to teach us."

Kakashi sighs deeply, gazing up at the ceiling for a moment although there is no higher power, which can save him from this particular situation and he knows it.

"That might have been true when we were kids, but Gai's beat me pretty soundly twice now so I think it's safe to say he is the best student to ever come out of your dojo and you should really be listening to him, not me."

Lee is nodding along to this. "It is true that Gai-sensei's training and wisdom are second to none except maybe Master Dai's, but I think you would have lots to teach us too, Hatake-san."

Kakashi is unsure of what to say to that. Luckily he's saved from having to say anything but Gai and Naruto both bursting from the kitchen and piling into the hall.

"Kakashi!" Gai reaches around children and dogs like it's no barrier at all and claps Kakashi on the shoulder. "Welcome, dinner's almost ready. Lee, come and help me with the preparations."

"Yes, of course, Gai-sensei!" Lee rushes to follow Gai into the kitchen and, with a lack of anywhere else to be, so does Kakashi trailed by Pakkun and Naruto.

"Hey." Naruto has crouched down on the floor next to Pakkun and now tugs at Kakashi's pant leg. "Hey, Hey."

Kakashi flinches at the unexpected touch, he can't help it, but Naruto doesn't seem to notice, just keeps tugging. So Kakashi crouches down too.

"I like your dog," Naruto says.

Pakkun gives them both a long-suffering look but also flops down onto the floor rolling over so as to better entice either of them into giving him a belly rub.

"Thanks," Kakashi says. "I like him too."

Naruto teaches out and carefully strokes across Pakkun's belly. Pakkun makes a noise between a grunt and sigh and rolls completely over so Naruto can have better access.

Naruto giggles "I think he likes me."  He hand moves with a little more confidence petting across Pakkun's belly and sides.

Kakashi smiles behind his mask, reaches out to pet behind Pakkun's ears. "I think you're right about that Naruto."

"I like dogs." Naruto tells him. "Or animals in general really. They're cool, or most of them are. There was this cat that lived where I used to live and I'd sometimes put a bowl of milk out of her to drink. I tried to pet her a couple times but she didn't like that much and one time she scratched me pretty bad. Gai says it's because I tried to pick her up and cat's don't like that. Also, animals need to be touched real gently." He demonstrates by stroking Pakkun's side with exaggerated care. "I didn't know that before. But hey, maybe if I meet that cat again we could be friends now."

The front door opens and shuts and Dai's voice shouts a cheerful greeting.

Naruto springs up when Dai appears in the doorway.

Dai scoops him up into a hug as if he were a much younger child even though Naruto protests, loudly if somewhat half-heartedly.

"How is one of my two favorite grandsons?" Dai asks as he puts him back down. "Didn't you have a soccer game at school today?"

Dai doesn't get his answer right away since Gai has set the table and the boys have to go wash their hands before everyone is seated for dinner.

"I scored a goal," Naruto tells them when they've all been served. "I'm really good at running and kicking. Coach said so, said I'm the best at running but I need to work on my teamwork and my listening."

"Hmm." Gai nods around a sip of water, swallows and says "I agree with your esteemed coach on that. Listening to your coach and senseis is a very important part, if not the most important part, of learning. In the classroom and the dojo as well as the soccer field."

"I know." Naruto agrees easily stuffing a huge spoonful of curry and pork cutlet into his mouth. "But it's hard sometimes you know."

"I know, but I know you are trying your best." Gai's voice is full of easy, warm affection.

Kakashi can practically feel the way Naruto glow at the praise, like sunlight on his own skin.

"I know, but I ..." Naruto scrunched his face up."I can try harder."

"That's my grandson always working hard to improve," Dai says before turning to Lee. "And Gai tells me you will be running for Student Council President this term."

"That is correct," Lee says. "I do not know if I will win, my grades are not as good as I would like although I work hard to improve them every day. I am also not the most popular student in school but Tenten and Neji thought I should run and also they are correct that the Karate club has tripled its attendance since I became club president. And the wrestling team will qualify for nationals this year and although I told both Tenten and Neji that it was through the entire team's hard work and not my leadership as team captain they still think that these things are points in my favor or at least that's what Tenten said." Lee takes a gulp of water looking, for the first time, nervous and unsure.

Gai pats him on the back.

"Gai was on the Student Council in high school," Kakashi says and Lee immediately turns towards him.

"Really?"

Gai had struggled in middle school and elementary school but by high school, he'd come into his own. He'd been friendly, charming and good at sports, his body filling out into his current large heavily muscles state.

People had liked Gai, liked being around him and spending time with him. They probably still did.  

"Indeed." Even Kakashi can see Gai's thumbs up. "Proof that you do not need perfect grades to be on the Student Council, just the right attitude and willingness to work hard. And you have many fine qualities and leadership I that I did not have. For instance, I was never a captain of any sports team."

Lee looks dubious at that, like he can't imagine a world where Gai wasn't the captain of every sports team.

In fairness there had been because Gai had been competing at the national and international levels in material arts otherwise he probably would have been captain of at least one sports team.

Kakashi hadn't been on the Student Council and he most certainly hadn't been involved in sports. He probably could have been in middle school if he'd cared enough to try. But by high school, he'd been the outsider, the one whose gaze people avoided, who they went out of their way not to interact with. He'd had blood on his hands at that point and everyone knew it. Too many ghosts trailing along behind him.

He doesn't say any of that though, he just eats his pork cutlet and curry.

After they're done eating Kakashi, Dai and Gai clear the dishes away into the kitchen, while Lee and Naruto bring their homework out and spread it across the now empty table.

Math again, Kakashi comes back into the room to find Lee bent over his work writing carefully while Naruto seems to be trying to balance a pencil on his upper lip with only mixed success.

"Naruto why don't you show me where you're at with your math homework." Kakashi sits back down between Naruto and Lee, bending close enough to actually see Naruto's math as he reluctantly pulls the worksheets out.

"It looks like you're beginning to do algebraic equations," Kakashi says. It had been a while since he'd done any algebra but it had never been hard for him.

"Yeah, I don't understand the whole positive and negative numbers." Naruto scrunches his face up pulling at his textbook fretfully, picking it up flipping through it and then putting it back down again.

"Well alright." Kakashi starts to walk through it. Halfway through he realizes the scratch of Lee's pencil had stopped and Lee is listening attentively too. He slows his explanation down, giving over each point carefully and phrased in several different ways. As he talks he watches Naruto slowly focus on him, watches his expression shift from boredom to actual engagement. On his other side, he can hear Lee's breathing speeding up with excitement as he frantically scribbles notes.  

"So like for this one," Naruto pulls the sheet towards him. They are close enough that Kakashi can see him frowning at the problem before slowly and carefully writing down an answer. "Would this be right?"

"Almost." Kakashi looks over the problem carefully. "I can see that you have the right idea here Naruto, but look, try and do it like this."

Lee is practically leaning over Kakashi's shoulder to watch as Kakashi works through the problem for the two of them.

"Alright, Naruto try the next one."

Naruto frowns gnawing at the end of his pencil before carefully writing down an answer.

"Good." Kakashi put a hand on Naruto's back. "That's exactly right. Lee, are you doing the same work? Do you want to try one of your own problems with me?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei." Lee is practically bouncing in his seat. "I am a year ahead of Naruto but we are also doing algebraic expressions and I have been struggling with them but you explaining this now was very helpful."

Kakashi turns to look over Lee's math. A slightly higher level of problem for sure but still totally doable. Kakashi starts going through one of Lee's problems while Lee pays careful attention. Lee is easier to teach because he listens better and very obviously wants to do well. Kakashi is confident after they do two problems together that Lee will be able to finish the rest on his own. He checks on Naruto's work, which is almost illegible, thanks to Naruto's handwriting but seems to be correct.

"Good job." He touches Naruto's back gently before pushing himself back up, away from the table.

Gai is watching him, Kakashi doesn't need to see him know.

Dai must have left at some point while Kakashi was doing math homework with the boys because he can't sense him anymore.

He walks towards Gai, unsurprised when Gai takes him by the arm and draws him away from where the boys are still working.

"Thank you," Gai says keeping his voice low, at least for Gai.

Kakashi shrugs, "it's not a problem." It really isn't, he's always been good at math and working through it like that for the kids is soothing somehow, makes him feel a little bit like he's accomplished something important too. It's nice. Nice to be here in Gai's warm house eating a home cooked meal and helping out with homework. Even standing here with Gai's big hand wrapped around his bicep, touch firm but not hard or controlling, is nice. But it makes a small tendril of anxiety uncurl inside his gut. His skin itches weirdly, Gai's hand on his arm is feeling heavier and less good by the second.

There is the quiet pad of Pakkun's paws coming over to them and stopping beside Kakashi. Pakkun leans against his legs a little bit and Kakashi reaches down, lets his hand rest on Pakkun's head, just touching.

"Kakashi," Gai says. "Tomorrow --"

"Is this how it's going to be?" Kakashi doesn't look at him, concentrates on the feel of Pakkun's warm, small body under his hand. "Am I just going to always be here, dinner and helping out with the kids every night for the rest of our lives?"

They are close enough that he can see the dull flush creep up Gai's neck, the work of his muscles as he swallows. Gai's hand drops off his arm, Gai licks his lips, takes a slow careful breath.

"I hope," Gai says carefully. "That you will come around to the dojo often so we could train together. It's been a long time since I've had a sparring partner as skilled or as challenging as you."

"Not that much of a challenge. You've beaten me twice so far."  Kakashi gives into temptation, putting himself to a better level to rub Pakkun's head, even though it means he can no longer see Gai's expression clearly. Maybe that's for the best.

"It's not about who wins and you know it Kakashi." Gai's tone is a little bit chiding.

Kakashi thinks about the fight they'd had that morning. His mind lingering not on the closeness of Gai's body or the arousal but on the sheer dangerous thrill of matching himself against Gai.  Especially now that he knows Gai can beat him.

When they'd been children Kakashi had almost always won. He was faster and taken to training more naturally than Gai had. He'd also more easily been able to make the snap decisions thinking strategically inside a match required.

In their teen years though Gai had closed that gap, through a single-minded dedication to the martial arts that Kakashi would never have.

Now though Gai very obviously has the upper hand. That should bother Kakashi, but it doesn't, not at all.

Gai kneels suddenly and Kakashi realizes he's taken too long to answer it.

"It would help," Gai says lowering his voice even further, a deep rumble Kakashi can almost feel. "If you'd be honest with me."

"About what?" Kakashi strokes along Pakkun's back gently, from his head to the base of his tail.

"That you're having trouble with your vision again."

That makes Kakashi freeze before sucking in a sharp breath. "What makes you think that?"

They're close enough he can clearly see the look Gai gives him. "I've sparred with you twice now Kakashi. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

"I thought you'd assume I'd just become crap over the last ten years."

Gai snorts, "I would never think that. Besides I remember the way you used to spar."

Kakashi winces, but of course, it's true Gai had been there after the accident, been there during the surgeries and the rehabilitation.

"You didn't take advantage." He looks down at Pakkun rubs behind his soft hears.

"Of course not, just as I would never go easy on you because of it, but I wish you had trusted me to know."  

Kakashi doesn't have anything he wants to say to that.

"Is it why you came back here?" Gai says.

Kakashi cups Pakkun's soft, silky ears in his hands, looks down at the scarred skin there, old scars most of them. "One of the reasons."

Gai sighs and stands in one fluid, graceful motion. He looks down at Kakashi for a long moment and then offers Kakashi a hand.

Kakashi's own knees ache a little as he rises, his headache from before is starting to come back, his eyes feel like he's strained them too much already.

Gai's hand lingers on his but not for too long before it falls away again.

"Thank you for dinner," Kakashi says. "Tonight and last night."

"Of course, you are welcome to come over anytime."

Easy words, especially coming from Gai.

Kakashi gives him a smile anyway. "Thanks."

"Come running with me tomorrow," Gai says forcing the words out all in a rush. "Or we could workout together, I usually do weights on Thursdays."

They look at each other. Kakashi tastes his own words from before _every night for the rest of our lives._

"Yeah, I'll go running with you." He says. "We can go running every morning if you'd like, but not weight lifting, I don't think I have the time for that."

Gai face breaks into a wide grin and he throws an arm around Kakashi's shoulders. "Of course Kakashi, I will be there first thing in the morning."

"Uh huh." This is almost certainly a bad idea, in ways that are only now spiraling out in front of Kakashi and here he's supposed to be the one who is good at thinking strategically during a fight.

Still, he lingers with Gai's arms around his shoulder for a few moments longer before slipping from his grasp.

He says goodbye to Lee and Naruto and Gai sees him out.

This time Gai stands in the doorway and watches Kakashi let himself and Pakkun out of the gate and onto the street.

Kakashi pretends not to notice.


	4. Chapter 4

They fall into an easy routine. Kakashi gets up, takes his medications, and gets dressed and leaves the house to find Gai waiting for him by the front gate. They run together in the early morning light. Then Kakashi goes back home, eats breakfast, let's Pakkun out into the backyard and writes until his eyes or the daylight fails him. Then he eats dinner and goes to bed.

It's not particularly exciting routine but it doesn't have to be. Kakashi's okay with boring at least for the time being.

After a week of Gai not asking him to dinner and not asking him to train or spar Kakashi starts regretting his decisions.

Gai had been trying, like always, to reach out to him, to rebuild the friendship they'd once had. And Kakashi had, like _always_ , ruined it.

He considers saying something to Gai, being the one to reach out for once, but he can never seem to find the right time or the words.

So they run and Kakashi writes and cooks his own dinner for him and Pakkun.

After two weeks Kakashi admits he misses it. He wants to see Lee and Naruto again, to spend time with them. He misses the warm, easy comfort of dinner at Gai's house.

He also misses sparring with Gai.

Their one and only real sparring match is something he thinks about far too often.

So it's really not a surprise when he winds up at the dojo.

It's late, the afternoon starting to bleed into the evening, when he nudges the door open and ducks inside, hands fitted into his pockets, posture purposefully casual.

Which is probably a wasted effort since the main training room is completely empty, although all the lights are still on.

Kakashi feels himself deflate a little bit.

"Kakashi?"

Dai appears in the doorway leading to the back of the dojo.

Kakashi gives him a polite bow. "Sensei."

"Come to do some training?" Dai asks. "Gai's not here I'm afraid if you were hoping to spar."

Kakashi isn't sure he knows what he was hoping for by coming here, so he keeps quiet.

Behind him, the door opens again.

Kakashi turns to see a man, tall, dark-haired and good looking with a prominent scar on his face.

Kakashi has no trouble pinpointing the last time he's seen the man though. He'd seen him, or a photograph of him, posed with Naruto and hanging in Gai's living room the first time he was in Gai's house.

"Oh." The man comes up short, gaze flicking between Kakashi and Dai. "Excuse me, I was just looking for Gai."

"He's gone to pick up my precious grandchildren," Dai says and the man makes a tsking noise with his tongue.

"If he went to the school I probably just missed him."

"You're welcome to wait. Gai, Naruto and Lee will probably be stopping here before coming home."

The man makes an unhappy, torn noise and looks around the dojo.

"I don't want to impose."

"It's not an imposition Iruka," Dai says gently. "Both you and Kakashi are welcome here anytime."

Iruka -- evidently -- finally looks at Kakashi, although Kakashi knows Iruka has been aware of his presence since he walked in.

Kakashi looks back at him. He thinks about the photograph in Gai's house, the way Iruka and Naruto had smiled together, thinks about the easy way Iruka referred to Gai by his first name.

He smiles behind his mask and holds out his hand. "Hatake Kakashi."

Iruka frowns and takes Kakashi's hand with noticeable reluctance. "Umino Iruka."

"A pleasure," Kakashi says. "I just recently moved back to town after being away for quite some time so I'm having to relearn my way around again. But Gai and Dai-sensei are old friends. Tell me are you also a friend of the family?"

"I suppose I am." Iruka looked taken aback by the question. "I've known Gai for a while but when he became Naruto's guardian we got pretty close. I was Naruto's teacher at the time and I still try to look out for him."

"Oh really?" Kakashi's smile only gets' wider and he slides his hands back into his pockets, slouching back a little to give Iruka some space. "I'm glad to hear that, Naruto seems like a good kid."

A real smile turns up the corners of Iruka's mouth. "He is a good kid, even though he gets into trouble sometimes."

Kakashi nods and some of the good humor fades away from Iruka's expression. He looks at Kakashi, his gaze a little too scrutinizing for Kakashi' liking.

"Have you been spending a lot of time with Gai, Naruto, and Lee?"

Kakashi shrugs one shoulder, very slightly. "Some. Gai invited me over a couple times for dinner. We grew up together you know."

Iruka's lips press into a thin line. "I remember."

So, most likely he had gone to school with Kakashi and Gai although he must have been several years behind them for Kakashi to not remember.

"You were close with Naruto's parents, weren't you?" Iruka says.

And it's a strange sensation, something between cold and pain that starts trickling into his chest.

"But you left the village, what? Ten years ago now?" Iruka's head is cocked to one side, his expression not one that Kakashi can read or maybe not one he cares to.

Behind them, the front door opens.

They turn towards Gai who has just stepped into the dojo.

Gai's looks between Kakashi on the one side and Iruka on the other. The expression that slides over his face instantly confirms Kakashi's suspicions about what Iruka had meant when he'd said he and Gai had been 'pretty close.'

Gai is dressed surprisingly well today, in dark grey slacks and a forest green sweater with the collar of a crisp white button up just visible above it. Between him and the fact that Iruka looks like he's come straight from school without changing Kakashi wishes, he'd thought to put on something nicer than track pants and a tshirt with an adorable cartoon pug dog on it.

He slouches a little bit lower and schools his expression to bland neutrality.

"Kakashi," Gai says. "Iruka."

"Iruka-sensei!"

From behind Gai comes a loud whoop and then Naruto wiggles around Gai's bulk and all but flings himself at Iruka.

"Hello, Naruto." Laughing Iruka catches him, puts him back on his feet and ruffles Naruto's hair.

The small smile he'd worn while talking about Naruto is nothing like the grin he's wearing now.

Lee peers around Gai too, his pensive expression melting into a smile when he sees them.

"Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi can feel himself color at the honorific and fights hard to keep his cool.

"Yo." He smiles and waves even though Gai and Lee are only standing three feet away from him.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto breaks away from Iruka and grabs Kakashi's legs.

Kakashi sees him coming so he's ready when Naruto wraps himself around Kakashi.  
"Is your dog here? Are you coming to dinner again? And I meant to ask last time but I forgot: why are you always wearing a mask?"

The questions come rapid fire and Kakashi blinks, looking from Naruto to Gai.

Anything he says in response to Naruto's dinner question will be forcing Gai's hand so Kakashi focuses on the other ones.

"Pakkun stayed home today." He says. "And I sometimes don't wear a mask, but for the most part I do, especially when I'm outside."

"I have a very delicate sense of smell." Kakashi says with a smile "And also a lot of allergies especially this time of year."

Naruto's face scrunches up as he obviously tries to decide if Kakashi is telling him the truth or not.

"Oh." He says finally deciding to take Kakashi's word on it for now. "I thought maybe it was because you had another scar. Like ..." He waves his hand in the general direction of his right eye.

"Ah," Kakashi says. "No, that's not why I wear a mask."

He does have scars on the lower half of his face he just doesn't feel any particular need to cover them up though. He isn't self-conscious in that way about any of his scars.

Naruto looks vaguely disappointed by this.

"Gai, may I speak with you?" Iruka says to Gai who nods, throwing a look at Kakashi then follows Iruka into the back of the dojo.

"How's the race for Student Council going?" Kakashi asks Lee who has gone back to frowning pensively.

"All right I think, although it is hard to tell." Lee scuffs his toe against the floor. "Gai-sensei says the most important thing is to try your very best. That the youthful attempt is the important part."

"Hmm," Kakashi says. "Gai's probably right about that. You know in martial arts even sparring matches we don't win still teach us something."

Lee perks up immediately at that. "That is so true Kakashi-sensei. I had not thought of it that way, but you are right. Thank you for your wisdom on the matter."

"I don't get it," Naruto says arms jammed up behind his head. "What are you supposed to learn from losing?"

Kakashi opens his mouth, to give a little speech, probably copied from ones he'd heard Dai give over the years but Lee beats him to the punch.

Large eyebrows drawn together with the force of his conviction Lee starts off on a lecture about hard work and strategy, knowing your own weakness and learning from a stronger opponent's style.  

Kakashi doesn't know how much of it Naruto is really taking in, especially given he must have heard similar talks from Gai and Dai already. Kakashi certainly can't fault Lee's earnest conviction though. And quite frankly they're good lessons for both boys to internalize.

Gai and Iruka come back into the main training room.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto gets distracted before Lee's done with his speech and bounces over to them. "Are you going to stay for dinner?"

"I'm afraid not Naruto." Iruka ruffles his hair again smiling fondly at him. "But how about I take you for reman sometime soon?"

Naruto whoops punching his fist in the air and then seems to remember something turning with a sheepish grin to Gai.

"Can I?"

"Of course you can Naruto." Gai smiles at him. "If Iruka-sensei is willing to treat you."

"Then we'll have to get ramen together sometime soon Iruka-sensei. How does tomorrow sound?"  
Iruka laughs at the same time that Gai sputters a little.

"Tomorrow sounds good."

"Than it's a deal." Naruto grins and sticks out his hand towards Iruka who gravely shakes it.

"I look forward to it, but tonight I need to go."

"Yeah I should be going too," Kakashi says, glancing at the door.

You're not going to come and have dinner with us?"

Naruto attaches himself to Kakashi's leg again.

"I won't want to impose, beside Pakkun is waiting for me at home."

  
"If you would like to come share dinner with us," Gai says from where he's quietly moved to stand beside Kakashi. "You are more than welcome."

Kakashi looks over at him. "It's fine Gai, I don't want to invite myself here."

Gai's hand lands on his arm. "I'd like it very much if you would come eat dinner with me and the children."

He's looking right at Kakashi when he says it, voice low and serious. Kakashi swallows, doesn't look away. He is very aware in that moment where all his weaknesses are and that Gai knows every single one of them.

"Yeah, okay."

They all troop back out of the dojo.

Kakashi doesn't know if it's a shoji night or if Dai has just chosen to cook for himself tonight. Either way, he doesn't come with them on the short walk from the dojo to Gai's house.

The four of them burst into Gai's house bringing noise and energy. Gai moves through the house turning on lights. Naruto strips off his school uniform jacket on his way towards his bedroom, complaining about how hot the uniform is as he goes.

"Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?" Lee asks following Gai into the kitchen.

"I think I should be able to start dinner on my own," Gai says softening the words with a smile and hand on the top of Lee's head, ruffling through his dark hair. "Go get changed out of your school clothes."

Lee goes to get changed.

" _Do_ you need any help?" Kakashi asks coming into the kitchen.

Gai gives him the same soft smile he'd given Lee. "We are just having rice omelet and miso soup. So, like I told young Lee, I should be alright on my own."

"Yeah but it still feels weird, me being here and not helping."

Kakashi leans against the counter, hands in his pockets, watching Gai get out pots, pans, and a cutting board.

"Iruka-sensei." Kakashi says. "He seems close to Naruto."

Gai looks at him and then nods slowly. "He was Naruto's teacher, he reached out to Naruto back before I gained custody of him, helped him, was the first person to realize something was wrong."

"Hmm, was Iruka-sensei in school with us and I'm just not remembering?"

Gai looked surprised at that. "Technically I suppose he was but he's several years younger than the two of us so there's no particular reason for you to remember him."

"Ah." Kakashi tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling. "It's just that when we met today I got the impression this wasn't our first time meeting and that I might not have made a good impression before."

Gai sighs. He's silent for a long moment and then he says carefully. "With Naruto it is easy, for all of us, to feel responsible for what happened to him. We are a close-knit community, as you know. In many ways, this is a wonderful thing but it also means we are slow to think the worst of one of our own. There were many excuses we all made for warning signs we should have taken seriously. Particularly those of us who were Naruto's teachers and thus had a responsibility to safeguard him. We should have acted sooner. But we didn't and as it is easy to turn blame for that on ourselves it's just as easy to put it on others, even people who were not involved. Particularly when Naruto's parents were so beloved by many of us in the village."

Kakashi takes a minute to parse through that one.

It's the usual, Gai being Gai, long-winded and unwilling to lay blame where he doesn't think it usefully belongs.

Still the answer Kakashi ends up with is simple enough, particularly because it's what had been going through his own mind for the last few weeks.

"He thinks I should have come back." He says. "He thinks I should have been the one to take in Naruto, or at the very least support you in raising two children _by yourself._ "  

"Not by myself," Gai says. "My father has been here and Iruka-sensei and many other members of the village. Raising Lee and Naruto has never been a hardship for me. In fact, it has been my greatest joy."

 _Yes but I should have been here._ Kakashi grinds his teeth. He should have never left the village after Minato and Kushina's deaths. It had felt at the time as if he had needed to leave. Too many people he'd loved had died, it was too much to be here, surrounded by all those ghosts. He couldn't turn a corner in the village or walk down a street without thinking about Minato's smile or the feeling of Kushina's hand around his or remember Obito and Rin's laughter. Like being eaten alive by the past. Now though the decision felt like running away from his duties, like the cowards way out.

_How could he have been so selfish when he'd been needed here?_

He shifts to watch Gai's face. "Or does he think I shouldn't have left at all? That if I'd been here, being part of Naruto's life all along, it would have never happened in the first place?"

Now Gai won't look at him, staring down at his hands and their half prepared dinner.

"It's not a hard thing to think," Kakashi says. "I've been thinking the same thing recently."

Gai shakes his head, sharp, negating.

"Kakashi. Naruto custody went to his next of kin, there was no way for you or anyone else to know how that would turn out. And Iruka never knew you before you left the village. He doesn't even really remember Rin and Obito's deaths much less you're father's. As I have told him many times, his feelings toward you are misplaced. I understand Iruka's guilt over what happened but it is not his fault and neither is it yours."

Kakashi sets his jaw. "I should have stayed."

Gai bangs the knife he'd been holding down the counter with a little too much force, making the heavy cutting board jump. He turns to face Kakashi, terribly close, in the small space of the kitchen.

"I wish you hadn't left either. I wish you had stayed with me. I wish I had been able to help you instead of letting you down. I wish we could have raised Naruto and Lee together. But you didn't and I never asked you to. Not when I adopted Lee, not when I took in Naruto."

They stare at each other.  

"Why? Why didn't you ask me?" Kakashi doesn't like how raw his voice sounds when he finally says it, the way he stumbles over the word.

"Why did you never come back on your own?" Gai's voice doesn't sound steady either, in fact, it sounds wracked and brittle.

"I ..." Kakashi licks his lips, reaches forward fingers brushing against Gai's arm. "I wanted to. I wanted to Gai. I always thought  ... when things were better when _I_ was better I'd come back. To you, for you. But I ... I never got better Gai, it only got worse and what could I have done? What could I have offered you then?"

Kakashi isn't making sense and he knows it.

He desperately wishes for a moment that he can call the words back. That they can rewind this entire conversation and go back to runs in the morning and dinner at Gai's house sometimes when Gai invites him and fleeting moments at the dojo.

It had seemed small this morning, small enough to make Kakashi want something more. But now faced with the real possibility of having it all taken away, Kakashi wonders how he could have thought that when it had been so _much_.

Then Gai hugs him.

Kakashi stiffens at the touch, he can't help it. His arms hang uselessly at his sides, his gaze fixed on the back wall of the kitchen.    

Gai's arms are warm and strong around him. He can feel Gai's chest rise and fall with each breath, where he's pressed against Kakashi's own. This close Gai smells like sweat and soap and wool and like Gai himself, reminding Kakashi of what it's like to press his mouth against Gai's skin. He can't move, he can barely breathe.

"Oh Kakashi, my rival, why would you ever think you had nothing to offer?" Gai says choking on the words.

Kakashi's arms finally move, clumsily finding their way around Gai's shoulders.  

"I want things to be different." He says voice so low he's half afraid he's not saying the words at all, just thinking them inside his own head. "I want to change. I know I've been away for too long and I've missed so much, but I want to be here."

Gai is shaking, which probably means he's crying. Kakashi pats his back feeling awkward and like he might cry too.

Gai sniffles loudly against the side of Kakashi's neck so definitely crying.

A few tears leak down Kakashi's face as well.

"I'm sorry. " He says. "I'll do better, I'm sorry."

Gai shakes his head without raising it from Kakashi's shoulder. "No. I should be the one apologizing. I should never have let you be alone with this for so long."

Gai gives a mighty sniff then straightens up, rubbing a big hand across his eyes. "But what's done is done." He says firmly. "It will be different from now on Kakashi I promise."

"Yeah." Kakashi brushes the tears away from his own eyes.

There's a sound from the doorway that makes them both jerk around.

Lee and Naruto are just outside the kitchen, eyes wide, Lee with his arm around Naruto's shoulders to keep him from bursting into the room.

Kakashi feels the sharp edge of panic as he tries to figure out how long they've been standing there. Explaining to Lee and Naruto why he'd made Gai cry would be bad enough but the rest of the conversation, the part about Naruto, had definitely not been for the children to hear.

He can tell from Gai's own expression that he's having similar thoughts.

But Gai straightens, squaring his shoulders. "Lee, Naruto come in here please."

The two shuffle into the room, Lee looks deeply guilty and like he might start crying, while Naruto's whole body all but vibrates with tension.

Gai folds his arms over his chest. "I am not angry with you two." He says. "Although I am sure you have questions for me and Kakashi. I think open, honest dialog is the best way to handle situations like these. So please ask any questions you want."

Naruto and Lee look at each other and then the words come pouring out, both of them talking at once trying to talk over each other. Lee wins probably just from sheer volume.

"I am so happy!" He clasps his hands in front of him as he stares up at them with wide shining eyes. "After hearing Gai-sensei's stories about the legendary rivalry between the two of you I knew there must have been some reason why you both did not immediately take back up your rivalry when Kakashi-sensei moved back to the village. But now you have made up and I will be able to learn many important lessons about having a rival of mine own --"

"Hey, hey!" Naruto bellows his voice getting progressively louder every time he says the word. "Hey, I have something real important to ask!"

Lee falls silent and all three of them look at him. Naruto's face is screwed up and he has the string from his hoodie wrapped around his fists so tightly the skin is turning white.

"Yes?" Gai says and Kakashi has no idea how can be so calm. "What is it Naruto?"

"What are we having for dinner?" Naruto says like it is indeed the most important question in the world. "I'm real hungry and all that talk of ramen with Iruka-sensei made me even hungrier."

Gai blinks. "We are having miso soup and rice omelets."

"Yes!" Naruto punches the air excitedly. "I love that!"

But then Naruto had loved every dish Kakashi had seen him eat thus far.

"Well." Gai seems to shake himself and looks around the kitchen. "Why don't you two help me finish up the dinner preparations than."

"Of course Gai-sensei!" Lee says immediately and Naruto nods vigorously.

"If it means we can eat sooner I'm all for helping out."

Lee cuts vegetables and tofu while Naruto and Kakashi start browning meat and onions in a pan.

Naruto so small he has to stand on a footstool to reach the stove while Kakashi watches him closely to make sure he doesn't get over enthusiastic and do something dangerous with the pan.

"Didn't you eat lunch." He asks as Naruto's stomach growls loudly enough for them all to hear it.

"Yeah." Naruto giggles a little bit at the noise. "But I had soccer practice this afternoon and I ran a lot. Also, Lee let me practice with the Karate Club even though I'm not technically part of the club."

Lee blushes bright red at this, giving Gai a guilty sideways look like he's expecting a lecture for letting non-club members participate in club activities.  

"That's because Lee is the best." Naruto goes on completely oblivious to Lee's small panic attack. "He's the coolest older brother and one of the cooler guys at school."

Kakashi watches the emotions move across Lee's face from panicked guilt to mortification to pride and affection. Lee's wide eyes slowly fill with tears.

Gai makes a deeply undignified wailing noise. Then Lee's knife is clattering to the counter as Gai somehow manages to sweep all three of them up into a tight embrace and crush them against his chest.

"My beautiful, precious family!" Gai sobs directly into Kakashi's left ear.

Lee is crying too, making the entire situation a lot more damp than Kakashi had really signed up for.

Naruto is still holding the spoon he'd been using to stir the meat and manages the wack Kakashi in the face a couple times with it.

"Gai," Kakashi says fairly calmly he thinks, managing to wedge a hand between himself and Gai's broad chest and pushes.

Gai let's go or at least loosened his grip enough for Kakashi and Naruto to get free. Leaving Lee and Gai hugging each other and crying.

"Dad and Lee are acting weird again," Naruto says holding his cooking spoon to his chest and watching them critically.

"Yeah," Kakashi says and Naruto actually reaches out and pats his arm.

"Don't worry they do this all the time. It doesn't mean anything bad or anything."

"Thank you, Naruto." Kakashi looks down at him then puts one hand on the boys head. "But I know that."

"I used to think crying was stupid," Naruto says. "That people shouldn't waste their time crying about stuff. That crying meant that you were weak but Gai and Lee cry all the time, and they're not weak at all."

"No," Kakashi says. "Definitely not weak."

Gai pulls himself together eventually, wipes his own face clean of tears and then helps Lee clean up.

Kakashi has gone back to cooking dinner with Naruto and it's almost done by the time Gai and Lee are presentable again.

Kakashi lets Naruto set the table even if he drops the bowls while trying to get them out of the counter.

Both Gai and Kakashi lunge for the falling ceramic dishware simultaneously and manage to snatch them out of the air before the hit the floor.

"Oops." Naruto looks sheepish clutching a handful of chopsticks to his chest.

Kakashi shakes his head. "Carry them one at a time Naruto."

"I can help." Lee chimes in of course.

Kakashi momentarily fears the offer, however well-meaning, will ruffle Naruto's pride.

Instead, Naruto just grins, relieved at Lee and dumps a stack of plates from his arms into Lee's outstretched hand. "Great! You can put these out while I get the spoons."

Somehow amid all the chaos, the table does get set and dinner gets served. They eat while Lee and Naruto take turns telling him and Gai about their day at school. Kakashi finds himself seated between Naruto, who bounced up a down a little as he ate, and Gai's solid side.

"Kakashi-sensei, would it be possible for you to stay and assist with our math homework again?" Lee asks as they clear the dishes away from the table. "That is if it is not too much trouble." He looks up at Kakashi all big hopeful eyes and Kakashi nods.

"All right."

They sit around the table, him and Naruto and Lee with their math homework spread out in front of the three of them. Kakashi can hear Gai moving around the kitchen washing dishes and putting things away.

The trick, Kakashi thinks as they start to work, is explaining the concepts in such a way that Lee and Naruto will understand them but actually letting them be the ones to do the problems. He's not sure he's terribly good at striking that balance yet. For him, academics were always easy. It's hard to put himself into the position of Naruto and Lee both of whom struggle with concepts Kakashi would otherwise think were simple. He'd realized the last time they did homework together that Naruto and Lee just can't make the mental leaps that Kakashi had done at their age. He has to continually stop himself from jumping ahead, trying to come up with a way of breaking the concepts down into smaller pieces, giving Lee and Naruto time to really understand how they are supposed to be thinking and what they are supposed to do.

It's hard, especially when twenty minutes in they are still going over concepts Kakashi had previously thought were obvious and Lee still has a confused, unhappy frown on his face and Naruto is starting to look bored.

"How is work going?" Gai's hand lands on Kakashi's shoulder and Kakashi looks up.

"All right. I think Lee and Naruto are doing really well understanding these concepts." It's a lie, actually but it makes Lee sit up a little straighter, looking less unhappy and grabs Naruto's attention again.

"I don't know about that," Naruto says bluntly. "I'm still pretty confused. All of these numbers, it's just weird you know?" He makes a face at his homework, sticking his tongue out and Gai laughs sitting next to him.

"Well let us see what we can do about that," Gai says tugging Naruto's page a little closer so he can read the problems.

Kakashi focuses his attention on Lee.

Lee is certainly an attentive student and he tries hard. He's not a genius at math, Kakashi thinks, but he remembers everything Kakashi had told him the last time they'd done homework together and can apply them in ways that are actually quite clever.

They work through the problems and the concepts Lee has covered in class. Kakashi can see the moment when Lee gets it. His eyes go wide and he starts frantically writing as Kakashi nods along.

"Good." He says. "That's exactly right Lee."

Lee beams. "Thank you Kakashi-sensei."

His obvious happiness at the praise is like the sun coming out and Kakashi can feel the warmth of it through his entire body. It's enough for him to let the misplaced honorific go as he smiles and pats Lee's shoulder gently.

They work through the rest of Lee's homework together and Lee gets most of the answers right. Even when he makes a mistake he's quick to figure out what he did wrong when Kakashi points it out to him.

When all of the math homework is done Kakashi climbs to his feet.

"I should go." He says.

The boys chorus their goodbyes and Gai follows him out towards the entryway.

"Thank you," Gai says voice low once they're out of Naruto and Lee's earshot. "For everything Kakashi."

Kakashi shakes his head. "It wasn't ... thank you Gai. I meant what I said. I want to do better."

Gai nods and Kakashi hesitates, biting his lip behind his mask.

"It's not true you know." He says. "What you said before about feeling like you weren't able to help me. That was never true. After Obito and Rin died you were always there and you ..." He trails off trying to think of a way to express how much it had meant to him. Having Gai there and Dai and Minato and Kushina had meant everything to him, they'd given him the love, strength and will to rebuild his life again. "It meant so much." He says finally. "And you never let me down Gai, never. You did everything right. And when I left it was because of me, not you."

Gai is frowning at him though, his dark eyebrows pulled together, his mouth set in an unhappy, unbelieving line.

Kakashi balls his hands into fists but meets Gai's gaze squarely without wavering. He needs Gai to believe this. "Me leaving the village was not your fault." He says. "I thought you knew that."

"I do know that, intellectually." Gai steps forward closing some of the space between them and his hand wraps around Kakashi's arm and Kakashi flinches, just a little before he can stop himself, even though he really doesn't want Gai to let go.

"I just ..." Gai sighs and then gives Kakashi a long searching look. "Sometimes I wonder if I had done things differently, loved you more --"

Kakashi can't help himself, he laughs at the sheer absurdness of that, the idea that anyone could have loved him more than Gai had.

Gai starts to draw backing, looking hurt. Kakashi reaches up, cups the side of his face and Gai goes still at the touch.

"You couldn't have loved me more or treated me better Gai." He says. "I left the village, I ran away and hurt you and let Naruto down but that had nothing to do with your actions. That's on me."

Gai is frowning again. "You didn't let anyone down Kakashi. You had no way of knowing about Naruto's situation and the work you did was important."

Kakashi looks away, thinking about the work he'd done, the years undercover, the things he doesn't want to think about. He swallows hard.

Gai sighs again and shakes himself. "And as I said before what's done is done. We can only move forward and both strive to do better."

"Yeah." Kakashi hesitated and then he reaches out, puts his arms around Gai's shoulders, pulls him close.

Gai goes willingly, hugging Kakashi back.

His body pressed against Kakashi feels so good, warm, solid and comforting. Kakashi can feel his body relaxing into the touch, eyes sliding shut for just a moment. Gai smells good too, like clean skin and Gai, Kakashi wants to press his face against the curve of Gai's neck, breathe him in and feel his pulse flutter, the muscles of his throat move as he swallows.

The desire hits him quick and fast like a sparring blow. To smell Gai, to be with close to him makes Kakashi want to trace up the lines of Gai's throat with his mouth, to push his hands into Gai's hair, to rock their bodies together and feel, _feel_ until the only thing he can feel is Gai.   

The thing is he doesn't know what Gai wants and he's aware that Lee and Naruto are just in the next room.

So he steps back, puts some distance between them.

"Thank you for dinner Gai."

Gai blinks at him. "Of course Kakashi. Please come have dinner with us again soon."

"Yeah." Kakashi shoves his hands in his pockets, smiles a real smile at Gai even if it's particularly obscured. "Yeah, I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I already had written out. So I expect the next update will take a little longer to get posted. I am hoping it isn't going to be too long though. Thanks to all my readers in advance for your patience.


	5. Chapter 5

It would be easy for Kakashi to retreat. To stop seeing Gai and convince himself it was all a mistake. That Gai is better off without him, that whatever he may or may not have with Iruka-sensei is healthy and more important than Kakashi's feelings. If Kakashi knows anything, after the decades of therapy he's had, it's how his own mind works.

He's not going to retreat though. Gai deserves better than that.

So when they finish their run and wind up back at Kakashi's house instead of saying goodbye Kakashi turns to Gai. "What about a sparring match?"  
Gai's eyes widen in surprise but then a grin spreads across his face. "I would love to."

They jog back to the dojo together. Kakashi doesn't think Gai can move slower than that given his excitement and truthfully Kakashi doesn't feel like taking his time either. Not today.

Dai is teaching a class when they get to the dojo. Kakashi pauses for a moment to bow to his sensei and the class before Gai all but hauls him into the back room where they'd sparred before.

"Do you want to wrap your hands?" Gai asks already digging in the basket of wraps.

"Just give me a pair of gloves."

Kakashi catches them out of the air as Gai throws a pair to him. He busies himself pulling them on and making sure they are secured around his wrists while pretending not to watch Gai. It's hard though, hard not to just stare openly.

Kakashi has always had a weakness for how Gai wraps his hands such methodical, practiced ease. Black cloth encircling his wrists, making the muscles in his forearms stand out, before wrapping up around Gai's big calloused hands.

It doesn't help that Kakashi can remember what it felt like to have Gai touch him with the wraps still on.

He swallows and looks away.

When he looks back Gai is dropping into a practiced defensive stance so Kakashi prepares himself as well.

Gai attacks immediately, surprising Kakashi because Gai attacks are usually so careful and calculated. He realizes the calculation about a second before Gai's body connects with his. It isn't terribly complicated, Gai's larger size and training advantage make it smarter to push Kakashi into a grapple instead of letting Kakashi keep his distance where his speed might give him the upper hand. Not complicated, maybe, but effective.  
Or it might have been. Gai's body collides with Kakashi and Kakashi manages to turn, using Gai's momentum against him.

There's a hard thump as Gais back hits the mat.

"Just because you won the last two times doesn't mean I'm that easy to beat," Kakashi said mildly.

Gai chuckles, warm and affectionate, as he flips himself back on his feet. It's a good thing Gai doesn't know what affect his laugh has on Kakashi's insides or he might be able to easily beat Kakashi after all.

"I would never underestimate you," Gai says and follows that up with a hard punch to Kakashi's side and several kicks.

Kakashi blocks and dodges, letting his body respond to Gai's movements while never letting him close enough to get Kakashi down into a tackle.  
They are both sweating and panting hard by the time Gai waves them to a stop.

"A draw?" He offers, grinning and holding out his hand to Kakashi.

"Sure." Kakashi takes it and shakes before peeling off his gloves.

Gai leaves and comes back carrying towels and two bottles of water. He tosses one of the bottles of water to Kakashi and then lays a towel down beside him.

Kakashi uncaps the top and drinks before wiping his face off with the towel. He sits on the mats and stretches out his legs and then his arms and shoulders. He feels satisfyingly sore and more content than he has in a long time.

Starting to spar with Gai again had been the right decision.

"We should keep score," he says watching Gai stretch his arms, showcasing the bulge and pull of his biceps, the width of his shoulders and chest and the strong lines of his stomach. "Like we used to."

"What a wonderful idea Kakashi." Gai grins at him and then drops to the mats beside Kakashi, close enough that their shoulders brush as Gai screws the top off his own water bottle.

He takes a long drink then bumps his shoulder gently against Kakashi's, lips quirked up into a fond smile as he meets Kakashi's gaze. "We will see if you can beat my winning score this time."

"Winning score?" Kakashi bumps Gai's shoulder back. "If I remember correctly I had the winning score, not you."

Gai squawks dramatically. "Not true! And if it were it would only because back then I had to save my best for competition. Well, I still compete now but not as much as I used but still, I am more than a match for you Kakashi and I will prove it! That I promise you!"

Gai's words freeze Kakashi in place for a moment, bottle of water raised half to his mouth.

"You still compete?" He says lowering the bottle.

Gai blinks at him. "Of course. Off and on. It's harder now with the children and the dojo to look after. I gave up international competition when Lee came along, but I have found I don't really miss it. I have more time to teach now which is a Beautiful and Noble pursuit after all and one I also enjoy. I still make it to nationals every year though and I have thought one day I might coach."

Kakashi looks down at the bottle between his hands. It should have occurred to him that Gai would still compete. Gai had been the best of the best, he wouldn't just give that up because Kakashi wasn't there. But somehow he hadn't really thought about it.

He remembers the first time Gai had won gold at the Karate World Championships how loud Kakashi had yelled, drowned out only by Dai's bellow. He can remember the look on Gai's face and the way Gai had kissed him before they'd even made it back to their hotel room.

Things like kissing had been new between them then and Kakashi had held onto Gai like he might fall apart if he wasn't in Gai's arms.

He can imagine the boys sitting with Dai now, cheering Gai on, can imagine Gai kissing Iruka-sensei like that, flushed with victory and so sweet ...

 _You brought this on yourself too when you left._ Kakashi thought viciously.

"Kakashi?" Gai says sounding concerned.

"I ..." Kakashi shakes his head. "I was thinking about when I used to go with you to competitions."

"Ah," Gai's expression clears and puts a hand on Kakashi's shoulders. "And you will come with me again. I am not planning on retiring anytime soon after all."

Gai smiles at Kakashi and Kakashi forces himself to smile back.

He needs to stop dwelling on the past and thinking more about the future. Isn't that what he'd told Gai he'd do just the night before? He can't let himself go back on that so quickly.

"Yeah," Kakashi says and takes a drink of water, before lightly nudging Gai's shoulder with his own. "Besides we both will be getting a lot of training in, now that we're keeping score and all."

Gai grins at him, wide and real, and slaps Kakashi's back hard enough to knock him forward a little bit. "That's the Spirit of Youth!" Gai climbs to his feet and holds out his hand to Kakashi. "Now let's go see where my father is."

  
***

  
For as much as Kakashi tries to let go, maybe it's not a surprise that he dreams about the past that night.

He wakes up gasping and shaking, hearing Rin frantically calling Obito's name, her name still on his lips.

He might have been trapped there in the darkness of his bedroom if Pakkun hadn't crawled into his lap, whining low and butting his against Kakashi's chest.

Kakashi curls around him, holding Pakkun close, let's the beat of his heart and rise and fall of his sides, the smell and heat of him guide Kakashi back to the here and now. Dulling the edges of panic leaving him tender and aching but aware of where he is.

His yukata is stuck to his body with cold sweat and his blankets are far too constricting. He kicks them off him and then get's up, moving on shaking legs through the house.

In a drawer in the kitchen, he finds his secret, shameful stash of emergency cigarettes and grabs the pack before he leaves the house, heading for the black veranda.

It's still unquestionably night, but between the summer moon and the light coming from inside the house, it's enough for Kakashi not to trip and fall over anything.

He sits cross-legged and lights a cigarette as Pukkan curls up beside him, head in Kakashi's lap, eyes still watchfully trained on his face.  
Kakashi exhales a plume of smoke staring up at the sky, blessedly clear and full of stars.

Even when he tries Kakashi can't remember the day his father dies. He knows the facts, of course, knows his father took his own life, but he can't remember it. He can remember Kushina hugging him and crying but nothing beyond that.

Rin and Obito though ...

He can recall that day clearly, every detail, every sound, and smell. But he doesn't most of the time. Most of the time he only remembers it in flashes, like looking at something with your peripheral vision, instead of head-on.  
Rin and Obito had been like Gai, his friends since they'd started school together, always there, always wanting to hang out with him or include Kakashi in some scheme or adventure.

That day Obito had wanted to go to the old mining shaft at the edge of where his older cousins liked to dare each other to go down. There were danger signs posted all over of course but all the kids played there and nothing bad had ever happened. Or that's what Obito said.

Kakashi always remembered that Rin hadn't wanted to go and that Obito had teased her asking if she was scared.

"What about you?" He'd turned to Kakashi when she'd protested. "Are you scared?"

And Kakashi, trying to play it cool, had just shrugged.

So they'd gone.

Obito had led the way like a tour guide regaling them with stories about his cousins followed by Rin giggling at Obito's jokes and Kakashi trailed behind pretending like he wasn't listening.

Then in an instant, the world had ended.

The ground had heaved and bucked under him. He can remember being knocked to the ground pain as the ceiling had rained down on them.  
He'd clawed his way out of the dirt and rocks to be met with complete, profound darkness.

Blindly he'd reached out, hand meeting just more dirt and rocks. He'd called out and Rin had answered voice shaking with fear but strong and then Obito, softer and halting.

"Tell us where you are." Rin had said. "We'll dig you out."

There had been a long pause.

"I don't think you can." Obito had said, voice strained and slurred with pain.

"I can't feel my arm and my leg anymore."

That was when the true reality of their position had set in.

Rin had kept going, trying to get Obito to continue talking to them, trying to plan their way out. Kakashi had dug with his hands, trying to get closer to the sound of their voices but not sure in the complete darkness if he was making any difference at all.

Eventually, though Obito's voice had faded away completely.

Kakashi could hear Rin crying as she called Obito's name over and over but he never answered. Then Rin and he had dug together, talking to each other and trying to stay connected to each other in the darkness.

Kakashi wasn't sure how far they'd made it before the ground heaved again raining dirt down on top of him. There was a deafening crack and Kakashi choked, spit dirt and then righted himself, calling frantically for Rin.

"Kakashi." She'd called back to him at last.

"Are you hurt?" He scrambled up towards her voice.

"I ..." Her voice was softer and weaker than it should have been. "There's a lot of blood."

He'd dug frantically than, calling her name, again and again, promising to get her out.

"Kakashi." He barely heard her this time.

He waited to hear what was going to say but she didn't finish. The silence stretched around him, broken only by his own ragged breathing. The darkness and the heat, and smell of blood and dirt pressed in.

He was going to die like this, Kakashi knew that then.  
Alone.

He hadn't died though.

They'd dug him out eventually and when he'd gotten out of surgery Kushina had told him that Obito and Rin where dead. Even though he'd known since he'd been down there in the dark that it was true he'd still refused to believe it, screaming at her, unable to cry through the bandages.

Gai had come later that day, eyes red with tear and sat beside Kakashi's bed.

When Kakashi needed to talk Gai listened and when Kakashi couldn't talk anymore Gai talked. Gai held him when Kakashi cried and cried for the both of them when Kakashi couldn't or just sat quietly and held Kakashi's hand.  
That first year Kakashi felt like his body was not his own, his emotions were wild and unpredictable, ruled by some outside force. He held it together through Kushina and Minato-sensei's love, Gai's determination, a hefty dose of medication and the coping mechanisms his therapist taught him.

But deep down there was still a part of him that felt as if there had been some mistake and he should have died alongside Rin and Obito in the dark.  
Kakashi drew in another lung full of smoke and blew it up at the sky, mind turning to the Karate World Championship again. Because that, in the end, had been what had drawn him out.

By the time they reached highs school Gai was competing internationally. His life had become training, competitions, and travel and that gave Kakashi structure and gave him purpose.

He would get up early to do condition training with Gai, spar with him, design meal schedules for him and travel with him in order to make sure Gai had everything he needed for competitions. He'd watched grainy footage of opponents he knew Gai was likely to compete against, learning their preferred moves so he could use them against Gai and get him used to them before competitions.

Every time Gai overcame a setback, won a match, even just smiled at Kakashi happy and self-satisfied as he pushed sweaty hair out of his eyes, Kakashi knew this was why he hadn't died alongside Obito and Rin that day. Slowly the pieces of his life had begun to come back together.

The cigarette in Kakashi's hand has burned down although he hasn't really been smoking it. He takes one last draw and stubs it out.

Pakkun whines a little bit again, shifting onto his side so he can offer up his belly for a rub. Kakashi rubs his belly, letting the skin on skin contact and simple motion sooth him.

It's funny, Rin and Obito died so long ago. Many things have happened since then, things he's had to do while undercover that probably should weigh on his conscience a lot more heavily. Yet he always returns to them inside his head.

He realizes with a sudden stable of guilt that he hasn't been to either of their graves since he got back. He'll go in the morning, just as soon as he can buy flowers.

He stays there on the veranda rubbing Pakkun's belly as the sky above them begin to pale and the sun slowly rises. He stays there in fact until he can hear someone pounding on the front door and only then does he get up and shuffle through the house.

"Kakashi --" Gai starts when Kakashi opens the door and then he takes a good long look at him, eyebrows drawing together as he does.

"Sorry Gai," Kakashi says. "I've been out back, didn't sleep so well last night. Is it time for our run? Just give me a minute to change." He turns and heads for the bedroom as Gai steps inside the house.

Gai studies him again when he steps back out in sweatpants and a t-shirt with a mask on today since he doesn't really feel up to talking to people who aren't Gai.  
  
Right, when Kakashi is starting to feel a little uncomfortable with all the staring Gai says "Forget about our run for today I have something else in mind."

Kakashi raises his eyebrows but doesn't protest when Gai tugs him towards the door. "Should I bring Pakkun?" Kakashi asks and Gai smiles down at the little dog.

"Of course."

'Something else in mind' seems to mean grocery shopping since Gai heads straight for the first shop once they make it to the village.

Over the course of the next hour they visit no less than five different shops and Kakashi learns that his mask is no barrier against people talking to him when he has Gai at his size calling out a hearty good morning, stopping to chat about so and so's grandchildren and get the latest news on how this elderly shopkeeper's husband's back surgery went. They all ask who Kakashi is and all seem equally thrilled and delighted when Gai introduces him explaining that Kakashi had grown up here and recently moved back to the village. Kakashi doesn't think he's had so much free produce pressed on him in his life.

He's also not sure how he ended up being the one to carry all the bags but somehow he finds his arms laden down. Gai strolls along beside him calling a far too cheerful greeting to a young woman pushing a stroller and even kneeling down to coo delightedly over the baby inside.

"Gai," Kakashi says finally when Gai is done thoroughly charming both mother and baby. "What are we doing."

Gai blinks at him. "Buying ingredients for breakfast of course." He says and then herds Kakashi down the street where Gai's house is.

In the inside of Gai's house is cool and quiet. Much more quiet than Kakashi is used to it being although he figures that's probably because the boys at school by now. He helps Gai carry the bags into the kitchen and unpack them before Gai waved him over to the table.

"Sit, sit. I'll do the rest."

Kakashi wants to protest but he's still exhausted, particularly after traipsing around the village laden down with bags. His eyes are starting to feel gritty and strained. He sinks down at the table and Pakkun drapes his body over Kakashi's feet. Kakashi lets his eyes fall shut, listens to the sounds of Gai loving around the kitchen, the clink of dishes, the hiss and pop as Gai lights the burners on the stove.

Kakashi wonders if he could fall asleep right here at the table and if he did whether Gai would mind. Probably not.

He's just starting to drift when there's a clink, far too close and he opens his eyes to find Gai has set a steaming cup on the table in front of Kakashi before going back to his cooking.

Kakashi reaches forward and wraps his fingers around its warm ceramic sides before taking a sip of the clean tasting, perfectly brewed tea.  
They are both quiet as Kakashi sips his tea and Gai moves around the kitchen, pausing every so often to put things on the table.

A bowl of yogurt, peeled and cut fruit, natto and a serving bowl of rice. It seems like far too much for just the two of them as far as Kakashi concerned.

"You said you didn't sleep well last night," Gai says still bent over the stove stirring a pot of what smells like miso soup.  
  
"Yeah, I had a dream about Obito and Rin." Kakashi watches Gai's shoulders stiffen for a moment before Gai turns to look at him.

He sets his wooden soup spoon aside and comes over to the table, seating himself beside Kakashi.

"I didn't realize you still had those dreams." Gai's voice is soft.

Kakashi shrugs. "Not often, not anymore, but sometimes."

He sets down the half-finished cup of tea and Gai's hand closes gently over his own.

Kakashi stares down at Gai's big, calloused hand covering his own scarred fingers.

"I just can't seem to leave them behind."

Gai sighs, squeezes Kakashi's hand and then leans forward, well into Kakashi's space.

For a moment all Kakashi can think is how very dark and intense Gai's eyes are before his lips brush softly against Kakashi's cheek.

Kakashi's can't help himself, he flinches back, more in surprise than anything else and a second later Gai is pulling away and pushing himself to his feet.

"We should visit the cemetery after breakfast," Gai says from where he's stationed himself at the stove again, back to Kakashi as he ladles soup into two bowls.

Kakashi studies Gai's back, the set of his shoulders. "Yeah. I'd like that."  
Gai puts the bowls on the table followed by a whole grilled fish then seats himself at the table again, although further away from Kakashi this time.  
Kakashi reaches for his chopsticks, trying to think of something to say that might make Gai close the distance between them a little, or at least look directly at him.

He can still feel the place where Gai's lips a touched him. He wants to reach up and touch the spot but he's afraid he might ruin it if he does. He's also pretty sure he's blushing.

He clears his throat finally, summons up the courage to speak. "This um ... is a lot of food Gai."

"A good and hearty breakfast is important Kakashi." At least Gai sounds more like himself when he says it. "And I have noticed that you like as if you could benefit from more of those."

Kakashi pauses in scooping a healthy portion of natto over his rice. "Are you saying that I'm skinny Gai?"

Gai looks at him finally, looks him over very purposefully in fact.

Kakashi would like to think it's a sexy once-over since they did almost kiss mere minutes earlier but it's emphatically not. In fact, he feels pretty judged right now.

Not everyone can have the body of a fitness God like Gai does.

Kakashi finds himself blushing again and decides to take an extra helping of the fish.

He looks up from his food to find Gai's gaze still on him but softer now.

"I wasn't meant as a slight to your appearance. Just that I worry about you Kakashi." Gai says voice dropping into that deep rumble that lodges inside Kakashi's chest like it's meant to live inside of him--was meant for him.

Kakashi is reminded again of the feel of Gai's lips against his skin, wishes Gai wasn't sitting so far away from him.

The spread of food had seemed too much for just two people but the hunger hit him as soon as Kakashi started eating. Before he knows it he's polished off all the food in front of him and gone back for seconds.

Gai eats heartily too and by the time they both sit back almost all the food is gone.

Kakashi is also feeling more awake and alert with food actually in his stomach and he helps Gai clear the table and wash up the dishes before they both head out again.

If it seems like Gai knew every grocery shop keeper in the village the same is equally true of the owner of the local flower shop. By the time they arrive at the cemetery their arms are piled high with flowers.

That's all right, they have a lot of people to visit.

Kakashi puts flowers on his father's grave and Gai visits his mother's. They visit Kushina and Minato-sensei together. Kakashi watches Gai kneel by their graves telling them about Naruto about how well he's doing with soccer and at school and has to blink back tears.

He moves closer to Gai once Gai stands, close enough that their hands brush as they walk. Gai doesn't pull away or try to put distance between them.

They visit Rin and Obito's graves last. Kakashi makes sure the stones are clean, put down the flowers, says a prayer over each. These mundane little gestures shouldn't make him feel better, but they do.

Looking at their stones it hits him how young they'd been when they'd died. Forever children now while Kakashi had been able to grow up, to see Gai grow up along with their other friends, to meet Naruto and Lee.

He realizes he's glad.

Without really thinking about it he reaches out and finds Gai's hand, wrapping his fingers tight around it and holding fast.

Gai lets him, doesn't let go even as they turn and walk back towards the entrance of the graveyard and towards the village.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter was delayed. I am really hoping the next chapter does not take me a month to write and get published. I am however participating in a Naruto gift change during June and July so while I am hoping it doesn't delay the next chapter it might. Just a heads up. 
> 
> I also apologize for the amount of backstory in this chapter I know it slows the pacing down somewhat but people have been curious. 
> 
> Expect the boys to reappear in the next chapter and for Kakashi to start getting his head out of his ass, emotionally speaking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** this chapter includes descriptions of animal injury, specifically, a stray dog who has been hit by a car. If you are sensitive to this type of content please skip the first scene in this chapter or the chapter completely.

They are too old for this. Kakashi is pretty sure of that.

Whatever this is it feels more like a teenage thing than something that should exist between two thirty-year-old men. Especially thirty-year-old men who are technically exes to begin with.

Part of Kakashi thinks this is just Gai being Gai. Gai is a tactile person, he shows affection through hugs and pats on the shoulder. The physical boundaries between them have always been a little bit more grey and hard to pin down than most even not taking into account any romantic or sexual interest.  

Kakashi isn't sure he's ready to think about if Gai might still have romantic or sexual interests towards him. It seems borderline impossible after he'd been gone for so long. They'd been so young when they'd last been together and so many things have changed since then.

Not that Kakashi's feelings about Gai have changed but that's neither here nor there.

Kakashi's known for a long time that he's been doomed to love Gai forever. He can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of people he's been attracted to over the years and with all of them, the feelings he'd had were fleeting in comparison to what he felt for Gai.

But Gai has children now and a dojo to run and Kakashi has nothing to offer him asides from barely contained trauma and grief he can't seem to leave behind.

Gai calls off their scheduled run and sparring session that morning. He texts Kakashi to apologize, saying he has work at the dojo that needs to be taken care of. Gai texts in perfectly grammatically correct sentences peppered with truly random emojis.

For instance, Kakashi isn't sure what role the negi emoji plays in Gai's apology for missing their run. Unless, of course, the reason for Gai's absence is some strange onion related crisis at the dojo.

 _Okay_ , he texts back and adds a smiling puppy dog face just to show that two could play the random emoji game.

He gets back a text that's just a string of hearts and puppies.

It shouldn't be as heartwarming as it is.

Kakashi gets up, puts on a pair of sweatpants a little too big for him and an old t-shirt he likes because it's been worn soft and closes himself into the office to get some writing done.

Mostly it's an uneventful day.

He takes Pakkun for a walk when it's time for a break and eats a plate of random sliced fruits and vegetables that he finds in the fridge.  

He goes back into the office and writes a little bit more.

It's a good day.

It's late in the afternoon when his phone buzzes again with another text from Gai.

_Kakashi delayed at the dojo can you pick up Naruto at school?_

Kakashi blinks at the text and then types back

_Okay_

_THANK YOU!!!_ Gai texts him and Kakashi gets up and grabs a hoodie before starting his walk to the village.

At least he remembers the way to the elementary school, which he is relieved to see is still the elementary school.

He also doesn't have to look that far for Naruto.

He's there, still in his uniform, kicking a ball around the small dirt yard in front of the school.

"Kakashi!" He shouts when he sees Kakashi come through the gates, waving his thin little arms in the air, face broken out into a huge grin.

"Yo." Kakashi waves back.

Naruto grabs his backpack and then runs to throw his arms around Kakashi.

"You came!"

"Yeah Gai texted and said he had work at the dojo." Kakashi says.

Naruto wrinkled up his nose, frowning hard. "Neji." He says like that explains everything. "Lee left early too."

Kakashi doesn't know what any of this means but he nods anyway. "Okay."

He holds out his hand and Naruto's small fingers wrap around his.

"Are we going to get ramen?" Naruto asks looking hopeful.

"I don't think so." Kakashi shakes his head. "Gai didn't say anything about ramen."

Naruto's expression falls and Kakashi is almost tempted to buy him ramen anyway even if Gai probably won't like it.

The road takes them along the outskirts of town, a short swath of fields on one side with forest beyond that and the village on the other.

Naruto let go of Kakashi's hand so he could dart ahead of him, kicking at rocks on the ground and throwing his ball into the air.

Kakashi keeps one ear out for the sound of approaching cars and his good eye on Naruto.

There comes a sound.

Low at first, low enough that Kakashi barely registers it and then it comes again louder.

A low agonizing wail that stops Kakashi in his tracks. The sound of an animal in pain.

Ahead of him, Naruto freezes too, eyes gone wide.

"Oh." The ball drops from Naruto's hands right before he takes off running down the road.

"Naruto!" Kakashi doesn't think, he just moves. His much longer legs means he closes the distance between Naruto and him fast, but Naruto's already dropped to his knees in the long weeds by the side of the road.

There's a shallow culvert by the side of the road with only a few inches of water in it since it had been several days since it rained.

The dog is laying in the grass beside the culvert, a small dog, smaller than even Pakkun, long fur so heavily matted with blood and dirt Kakashi can't really make out what color it was. There are flies covering the dog and the smell of blood and rot.

It didn't even raise its head as it let out another whimpering crying; thready, wet and far too weak.

"It's alright little buddy." Naruto is saying, voice shaking, hands reaching out.

Kakashi catches him by the wrists before Naruto can touch the dog. "Don't." He says nudging Naruto away a little bit. "Let me."

Kakashi pulls off his hoodie and slowly reaches for the dog. It doesn't try to bite or snap at him as he carefully wraps it up although it does let out a pained yell as he moves it. Kakashi lifts the dog and stands, turning back to Naruto who'd been watching him, eyes big and frightened.

"We need to go to the vet," Kakashi says keeping his voice low and calm.

Naruto nods, jerkily and they set off together towards town.

When he first moved back Kakashi had memorized where the veterinarian clinic was. He goes over their route in his head, walking as quickly as he can without completely leaving Naruto behind.

Even so, he can hear Naruto almost running to keep up, but Naruto doesn't complain or falter.

Kakashi is very aware of every wheezing breath the little dog in his arms makes and he's terribly afraid he's going to stop hearing it completely before they make it to the clinic.

Kakashi barely pauses when he jerks open the clinic doors.

"I have a badly injured dog." He tells the young woman at the front desk whose eyes widen as the site of his bloody hoodie-wrapped bundle.

"I'll get someone." She hurries into the back and returns a few moments later with a dark-haired woman in a lab coat.

 _Dr. Inuzuka,_ her name tag reads she glances at the dog in his arms and then waves him towards the back rooms. "In here. You." She points at Naruto. "Stay in the waiting room."

"Naruto." Kakashi looks back at him. "Take my phone."  He pulls it out of his pocket and holds it out to Naruto "Text Gai." He says before following Dr. Inuzuka back into an examination room.

"Is it your dog." She asks as Kakashi gently puts it down on the examination table.

He shakes his head. "No, it's a stray I think."

She nods and peels back in the hoodie, sighing when she sees the dog. "Poor little guy. Hit by a car I'd guess. He's so small he probably went right under the wheels, it's amazing he's alive."

Kakashi feels his stomach lurch painfully. He looks down at the dog whose eyes aren't even open anymore. "Yeah."

"Well, I'll do what I can." She moves across the room, starts getting equipment out of a cupboard. "If you could go out to the waiting room now please, so I can work."

He nods, dragging his gaze away from the little dog and goes to find Naruto.

Naruto is sitting, huddles on one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room, clutching Kakashi's phone to his chest.

He jumps up as soon as he sees Kakashi. "Is that little dog going to be okay?"

Kakashi just looks at him, not sure what to say. He wants to lie, to tell Naruto it will be alright but he knows there's a good chance it won't be.

Naruto's eyes slowly fill with tears and then he flings himself at Kakashi, arms wrapping around Kakashi's waist, muffling a great wailing sob against Kakashi's stomach.

Kakashi's flails for a moment at the shock of the sudden onslaught. His first, panicked, thought is to push Naruto away. He doesn't though, instead, he brings his hands up gently to stroke across Naruto's unruly hair.

The front door to the clinic bangs open and Gai coming storming in like a barely contained hurricane with Lee and the kid, Neji, behind him.

Kakashi has a moment of panic wondering how he's going to be able to explain how Gai's request to pick Naruto up from school turned into this.

"Kakashi, Naruto, are you alright?" Gai's gaze lands on them, his voice comes out louder than he usually allows it as he strides over.

Naruto detaches himself from Kakashi's babbling through the tears and snot covering his face. Kakashi can make out words like dog and blood but most of its pretty intelligible. Lee's eyes have gone even wider than normal, Gai looks terrified and confused but it's Neji who pushes forward and drops to his knees in front of Naruto.  

"Naruto." He says voice calm, taking Naruto's hands in his. "Look at me." Naruto's eyes fix on him and Neji nods once. "Good, now breathe."

"We found a dog," Kakashi says into the quiet that follows. "A stray, Dr. Inuzuka think it was hit by a car."

Gai's eye so soft and he knees down too to wrap his arms around Naruto, hugging him tightly.

Kakashi's hands have started to shake with the come down from adrenaline and after effects of panic.

There's some blood on his shirt, his stomach hurts and all he really wants to do is go home, take a shower, curl up with Pakkun and maybe not leave the house ever again.

He realizes Gai is staring at him, then Gai stands, moves over to him reaching out his hand as he does.

"Don't." Kakashi can't help it, he shies away, gaze skittering from Gai to lock on the old tile floor. "I'm sorry."

He hears Gai stop. "No need to be sorry," Gai says, voice low, after a moment and then louder.

"Come on everyone. I am sure it will be a while before Dr. Inuzuka has anything to report and she will be able to call us when she does. Let's go home."

Kakashi watches the little group start to move. Lee and Neji taking charge of Naruto, Gai going to leave his contact information at the front desk.

Kakashi shoves his hands in his pockets and shuffles towards the front door.

"Kakashi," Gai says when he passed the front desk. "Come back with us, have some dinner, we'll wait and see if there's any word."

Kakashi shakes his head. "I can't. I have to go back to Pakkun."

Gai watches him for a moment and then nods. "Alright, be safe."

Kakashi nods too before wrenching open the door and staggering out onto the street.

~*~

Truthfully he doesn't remember a whole lot about the walk back to his house.

Pakkun runs to him as soon as he opens the front door. Kakashi sits in the hall without even bothering to take his shoes off and lets Pakkun climb into his lap.

They sit there for a long time before Kakashi gets up and goes to change his clothes and take a shower.

Once he's clean and changed he feels Pakkun dinner.

He doesn't really feel like eating himself, but he knows he has to do he settles on a bowl of fresh tofu and a little soy sauce.

It's not a lot, but it's something and it settles his stomach.

He goes out back and sits on the veranda, Pakkun comes out and sits in his lap again. Kakashi's mind has gone to white noise and the sun is sinking in the sky.

He's not sure how long he sits there before there's a sound of a car along the road, then it stops in front of the house.     

"Kakashi!" He can hear Gai's voice calling.

"Back here!" Kakashi calls back. "The door's unlocked."

There's a clattering by the front of the house and then Gai appears in the doorway leading out to the veranda.

"Kakashi." He says voice softer now. "How are you feeling?"

Kakashi shrugs because he's not sure how he's feeling or that it matters. "How's Naruto?"

"Doing well. He eats, drank a good deal of water and my father, him and Lee went to the dojo to train." Gai sits next to Kakashi. "Naruto has a great deal of empathy and compassion for all living things. He's sad and afraid for that little dog but he's also strong. Whatever happens, he'll be alright."

Kakashi can feel Gai's gaze on him.

"Will you be?"

"I'll be alright." An automatic reassurance he's probably made hundreds of times to Gai over the years.

Gai reaches out, carefully and tentative, giving Kakashi plenty of time to pull away. He puts his hand on Kakashi's shoulder. Slowly and carefully Gai's arms slide around him, pulling him close against Gai and Kakashi lets himself be pulled, rests his head against Gai's shoulder right where he can smell Gai, his aftershave and the sent of his skin.

"Come back with me tonight," Gai says voice soft. "Bring Pakkun and stay the evening with me and the kids."

It's comfortable on Gai's shoulder, it's good to be this close to Gai again. Kakashi finds himself nodding. "Okay."

They both stand and Kakashi goes and collects Pakkun's leash before heading out of the house where Gai's car is waiting. Kakashi isn't at all surprised to see that it's green.

Gai is pulling the car onto the main road back towards the village when Kakashi's cell phone rings.

His hands start shaking again when he pulls it out and sees it's the vet clinic.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Hatake." Dr. Inuzuka's voice comes through from the other ends. "I'm calling about that dog you bought in this afternoon."

"Yes?" Kakashi's hand tightens around his phone.

"We just got out surgery." Dr. Inuzuka is saying. "He was in really bad shape, a lot of internal ruptures and broken bones. We ended up having to amputate one leg completely but I wanted to call and tell you he's still alive. Actually, he's a little fighter, but we don't know for sure if he's going to make it until we see how he recovers. I think tonight will be telling so I'll let you know tomorrow morning how he does."

"Okay," Kakashi says. "Thanks."

"What?" Gai says as soon as Kakashi hangs up the phone.

"The dog made it through surgery. Dr. Inuzuka says he's a fighter but they're going to wait and see if he makes it through the night." Kakashi says.

The idea that he might not hangs between them in the car.

"Let's wait," Gai says softly. "And talk to Naruto tomorrow when we know more."

Kakashi nods and watches the village pass outside the car window before Gai pulls into the driveway of his house.

The boys are back. Kakashi knows as soon as Gai pushes the door open because he can hear them.

Naruto is yelling and even Lee's voice is louder than usual.

"What do we have here?" Gai says as he comes into the living room.

Naruto, Lee, and Neji are sitting on the floor in front of the tv video game controllers in their hands.

Lee jerks around, already looking guilty. "Gai-sensei! You said if we trained hard and got home early we could play video games as a treat while you are away." His eyes widen as something occurs to him. "But now you are back." He makes to turn off the game over Naruto's loud protests and Gai laugh and waves a dismissive hand at the three of them.

"It's alright Lee, for tonight you three can keep playing as long as you don't stay up past your bedtime."

Naruto whoops and even Neji smiles.

Kakashi collapses onto the couch and after a moment Gai sits beside him.

Whatever the boys are playing is some kind of fighting game, Street Fighter Kakashi thinks, or whatever passes for it these days.

Every punch and the loud sound effects that follow make him a little bit antsy but than everything right now does.

He leans his head back, concentrates on Pakkun's warm body curled up at his feet, the large comforting presence of Gai beside him, lets the sound of the game and the boys' chatter wash over him until it becomes just background noise.

He thinks about how Gai had smelled when Kakashi had rested his head against Gai's shoulder, like warm skin, aftershave and a little bit of sweat. His shoulder had been solid under Kakashi's cheek.

Kakashi wondered what it would be like to rest his head against their again, to feel Gai's arms go around him, to maybe kiss the soft skin of Gai's neck right above his collar. Kakashi would be able to feel him breathe there, feel the way Gai's pulse would race, just a hint of Gai's stumble against his lips. He couldn't remember the what Gai's skin tasted like only the way Gai trembled when Kakashi touched him. Would Gai tremble like that again?

Kakashi turns his head to find Gai already watching him, lips slightly parted.

It's very tempting. Kakashi could remind himself of all of the perfectly good reasons he has for not kissing Gai but in the end they don't seem as important right now as they had before.

He doesn't kiss Gai though, mostly because of the children sitting just a few feet away from them but also because he's not sure what Gai wants and he wants to be sure when he kissed him.

Gai's eyes are very dark and for a moment Kakashi thinks Gai might kiss him instead.

Then Naruto yells particularly loud and stridently and Gai looks away.

"Why don't you boys start getting ready for bed?" Gai says

None of them look pleased but Neji turns off the game console while Lee hustles Naruto off to the bathroom.

Kakashi feels the couch dip as Gai gets up too, talking in a low voice to Neji, telling him he can take the guest bedroom for tonight.

Kakashi knows he should get up too and ask Gai to drive him home.

He stays on the couch though, head dipped back, listenings to the sounds of people moving around the house. His mind is finally calm, not the dead static from earlier but settled now. Pakkun's body is warm against his legs. He closes his one bad eye to rest it, keeps his good one open just a little bit though.

"Kakashi?"

He opens both eyes and sits up to see Naruto, dressed in light blue pajamas and a cute little nightcap with a face on it that makes him look half his age.

"Is that little dog going to be okay?" He asks tone anxious, brows furrowed.

Kakashi opens his mouth, closes it again. "The vet said she'd call us in the morning." He says.

He thinks for a moment Naruto is going to protests, or press the point but he only nods and then turns heading for his bedroom, shoulders a little slumped.

Kakashi suppresses the urge to go after him and tell him that it will be alright, but he doesn't. He leans back again and stares at the ceiling.

Eventually, it begins to swim, his vision going blurry. He lets his eyes fall shut and at some point drifts asleep.

~*~

He wakes up wrapped in a green crochet afghan. Pakkun is still asleep across his feet but he can smell tea and food coming from the kitchen. He gently nudges the dog off and unwraps himself, stretching as he stands.  

His back is a little bit stiff from sleeping upright on the couch, but not too bad, at least he hadn't slept on his neck.

He shuffles into the kitchen to find Gai at the stove. He's wearing a dark green t-shirt, old enough that Kakashi can see the muscles in his back moves as he stirs miso into the pot of soup. The cotton pajama pants he's also wearing hang low on his hips, tight enough across Gai's ass that Kakashi can feel his cheeks heat and he has to look away.

He sits at the table instead and pours himself a cup of tea from the pot.

"Good morning," Gai says, his deep voice rumbling around the room. He looks over his shoulder to give Kakashi a small smile.

"Morning." Kakashi tries to hide as much of his face as he can behind the tiny cup he's holding.

Further down the hall, he can hear bedroom doors opening and the bathroom door slamming closed.

Lee and Neji come into the kitchen a few minutes later dressed in their school uniforms with Naruto trailing along behind them yawning and still dressed in his pajamas.

"Naruto get dressed," Gai says without looking up from the stove. "You don't want to be late for school."

"Aw, come on! I can get dressed after breakfast." Naruto says. "I can get changed into my clothes, like, super fast!"

"Get into your uniform first and then breakfast." Gai waggles his cooking chopsticks in the air and Naruto turns and heads back towards his bedroom, muttering as he does so.

Kakashi hears the faint buzzing of his phone from where he left it on the coffee table in the living room. He gets up to answer it.

"I am calling back about the dog." Dr. Inuzuka says when he picks up. "He made it through the night and I think he's going to be okay."

Like that Kakashi can breathe again.

"Thank you." He says, clutching the phone to his ear.

"You're welcome." She says. "I also scanned him for a chip, which he doesn't have, and no ones reported a dog missing so I think you were right about him being a stray. Once he's recovered enough to be released do you want to take him?"

"Yes," Kakashi says without thinking even though he's not sure he's ready to have another dog. "I'll take him."

"Good." Dr. Inuzuka sounds pleased."I'll keep you updated on his progress."

"Thanks," Kakashi says again even as the phone goes dead against his ear.

He goes back into the kitchen where Gai is still at the counter, spooning rice into bowls.

"That was the vet." He says to Gai keeping his voice low. "Dr. Inuzuka says the dog made it through the night and she thinks he'll be okay."

Gai's face breaks into a wide, relieved grin. "That's amazing news!" He says, probably louder than he should because Lee and Neji turn to look at them.

"What is?" Naruto asks coming back into the kitchen, tugging on his uniform jacket as he does.

"The little dog from last night," Kakashi says. "He's doing okay."

Naruto stops dead in his tracks. Slowly his face breaks into a wide grin and then crumples as he bursts into tears.

Gai is moving instantly, crossing the room and kneeling beside Naruto who's crumbled into a small sobbing ball on the floor.

"Naruto," Gai says voice soft and so gentle, big arms gathering Naruto up against his chest.

Kakashi just stands there, frozen, not sure what to do or say. Anxiety and helplessness tie his stomach into knots.

He shouldn't be here, he thinks wildly. This is the second time in less than twenty-four hours he's made Naruto cry.

"What the matter?" Gai is saying, hand making slow circles against Naruto's back.

Naruto pulls away from Gai obviously struggling to control himself. He rubs his fists against his face mearing tears and snot across his cheeks.

"I'm just so happy." He finally chokes out. "I thought that little dog was going _die_ and I was never going to see him again and I ..." He hiccups loudly. "I'm really glad he's okay."   

Gai hugs Naruto again and Kakashi slumps against the counter, feeling more drained then has in a very long time.

"Yeah, so am I." He rubs a hand across his own face, hopes no one will notice when he brushes away a few tears too.

"Come on," Gai says when Naruto's sobs start to quiet. "Let's go wash your face and then you need to eat breakfast. Your Grandfather Dai will be here soon to take you to school."

He ushers Naruto out of the room.

Kakashi finally peels himself away from the counter and sits at the kitchen table.


End file.
